Ohhh, if there’s one thing I hang onto,
It gets me through the night.
I aint gonna do what I don’t want to,
Im gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
From the posts that I ve been putting up, everyone seems to be thinking that I'm going through a major depression cycle.
Well, can't really say that this is the happiest time of my life, but its not sad either. In fact it's mostly good. Just that sorrow always affects yoy more than happiness does, isn't it.
Our misfortunes are more easily counted than our blessings.
I never have claimed that I was sane. Or not weird. Some kid once told me that I'm the happiest person she knows. My best friend thinks I'm quite moody. One of my teachers has told me that I should be a little less serious. Someone told me that I'm very laconic. Others think that I cannot shut up for long enough.
I'm a bundle of contradictions. There are a lot of things that I believe...things that I hold on to. And I've realised, more than once, that if I pitt all these things against eah other, most of them will just cancel each other out. That has never bothered me...the fact that I belive in contradictory ideas. And this one fact that I dont have to reason myself out, has kept me sane. Or whatever semblence of sane.
I'm not too emotional, in the sense, I'm not the one to proclaim my love from roof tops. My crushes last all of a month. They never grow into anything serious quite simply because I refuse to let them control me. If there is someone for whom I feel something for, and that other person does not reciprocate it, I'm not gonna pine away for that. Maybe that's why I never fall in love.
But I do get hurt. Pretty easy. But I get over it too. I don't let that spoil my life for more than 2 days at a strech...okay maybe a week. Again, my best friends disagrees. She says that I never let go. Okay so I dont. When ever something goes wrong, I always see a parallel. So? I can't change the past. I don't try to, just simply coz I don't want to. But I don't let the past pull me down. If a friend walks out on me, I don't feel miserable thinking what we had, and what it's become now. I can think back and appreciate, and feel happy bout what we had, while not feeling let down, angry or depressed. This, for 'you know who' and SK.
I don't regret anything in my life. NOTHING. The gud, bad, the crazy, beautiful, all are just as welcome memories, moments. I can move past anything...friends walking out of my life, me walking out of theirs, losing, winning, the whole deal. But I never let go anything that has been a part of my life. Something, someone that/who once enters my mind, stays. It, they become a part of me. Period.
When I depressed, I write stuff like this. But then I may also write stuff like this. If one post of mine funny (ok attempt at funny) the next may be depressed.
So I've a split personality. As someone said, "You got a problem, precious?"
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Breaking news
Li'l Prince's ordeal became national news. For the weekend, the whole county was holding on to the progress in Kurkshethra. Every news channel worth its salt was there, every newspaper was right on it. Forwards on mails, sms, the whole deal.
Are we so starved for human drama? It reminded me of this short story BU put in our Eng. Lit syllabus. This story was of this one story of a kid, a gal, who's stuck in quick sand in an area struck with earthquake. And of a journalist, as he stays by her side for 3 days, waiting for the govt. to do something to save her. And then slowly watch her die...
This time it was more of a happier ending...n I'm really glad that it is. But really makes me wonder if we are so starved of suffering like this...
Any news guy would tell u that this makes excellent TV. A poor young kid, stuck in a horrific scene, battling for life n death, and all that jazz. Bumbling officials, weeping parents, the whole deal. And a nation hooked. Human interest story...the question is, which human are we talkiing bout here?
Are we so starved for human drama? It reminded me of this short story BU put in our Eng. Lit syllabus. This story was of this one story of a kid, a gal, who's stuck in quick sand in an area struck with earthquake. And of a journalist, as he stays by her side for 3 days, waiting for the govt. to do something to save her. And then slowly watch her die...
This time it was more of a happier ending...n I'm really glad that it is. But really makes me wonder if we are so starved of suffering like this...
Any news guy would tell u that this makes excellent TV. A poor young kid, stuck in a horrific scene, battling for life n death, and all that jazz. Bumbling officials, weeping parents, the whole deal. And a nation hooked. Human interest story...the question is, which human are we talkiing bout here?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
What am I turning into?
One of the hardest things you can do is to let a friend go. Harder than that perhaps is walking away from someone who once had been your friend.
I did both today. Or perhaps, it happened long ago. I just realised it today. N I don't feel a thing.
I'm going back...to that weird sort of numbness that I had worked so hard to get out of.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things refuse to be worked out. Sometimes, you have to let go. So I did. Not because I didnt care. But because I wanted to be able to look back without having a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't want it to end with a fight. I didnt want it to end in way that I will never be able to think of him as a friend again. So I ended it...in my own terms.
I'm being selfish. But then, I always have been. I had to preserve my sanity. For what I don't know. But isn't it better to end it, rather than let it rot and die?
You stay friends with some people. No matter what they make you go through. No matter what you make them go through. N then, there are those, with whom you just cannot stay friends. No matter how much you try. No matter how much they try. Is there any point in pretending you can still be friends when you are sure you can't? It's one of those things....
When do you decide it's time to end a friendship? When you have a sneaking feeling that it never really began...or so I read somewhere, sometime back. Think it was in Reader's Digest. Really?
Woke up with an empty feeling. Should have known.
Don't bother bout this post. It's just ramblings of a schizophrenic mind
I did both today. Or perhaps, it happened long ago. I just realised it today. N I don't feel a thing.
I'm going back...to that weird sort of numbness that I had worked so hard to get out of.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things refuse to be worked out. Sometimes, you have to let go. So I did. Not because I didnt care. But because I wanted to be able to look back without having a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't want it to end with a fight. I didnt want it to end in way that I will never be able to think of him as a friend again. So I ended it...in my own terms.
I'm being selfish. But then, I always have been. I had to preserve my sanity. For what I don't know. But isn't it better to end it, rather than let it rot and die?
You stay friends with some people. No matter what they make you go through. No matter what you make them go through. N then, there are those, with whom you just cannot stay friends. No matter how much you try. No matter how much they try. Is there any point in pretending you can still be friends when you are sure you can't? It's one of those things....
When do you decide it's time to end a friendship? When you have a sneaking feeling that it never really began...or so I read somewhere, sometime back. Think it was in Reader's Digest. Really?
Woke up with an empty feeling. Should have known.
Don't bother bout this post. It's just ramblings of a schizophrenic mind
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Elfish Tale
It’s funny how the world works. Sometimes, all it takes is a very everyday event to make you realize that all this while; you had just been looking, without really seeing.
Little waifs selling nick-knacks at traffic intersections is a very everyday sight, at lest in this mighty country of contradictions. In fact we’ve become so used to them, that they kind of have become like house elves in a Harry Potter book- always scuttling about, but never really visible.
I was at the intersection near the Forum in Koramangala that day. While waiting for the traffic from the other end to stop, I noticed this little punk across the road. He looked like spirited imp, in his rather over-sized clothes, well worn, of that murky urchin colour, that is not quite grey, not entirely brown. Now, this one was prancing happily in this side, with his sack of sellables, till he reached a waiting car. Then suddenly his happy expression changed. It became desperate, desolate picture of the poor hungry urchin on the road. The homeless, hapless orphan, forced to the streets, in an age when he should have been in school. Transformation was complete and he played his part well.
As the light turned green again, he hopped back to his elfish oblivion again, clutching the loose change in his hand, waiting for the next traffic light, next transformation.
As I watched this li’l drama I realized that what I felt for this kid was not sympathy. It was a strange kind of respect. This child, all of perhaps six, had already learnt to live, he had learnt that important lesson in life that most of us don’t, at least not until it’s too late. That this world allows the survival, only of the fittest.
He had figured that he lives in a world that not only is unfair, but is also never unfair in his favour. Had accepted that to live, he had to put on an act. So life pulled a past one on him, he just had to pull a faster one on life.
It’s funny how the world works. Most of us- the so called “privileged kids”- are expected to be good at dealing with challenges of life. That’s what we are trained for by parents, drilled at school by teachers. We are told what to expect in the “real world”, and for nearly 15-20 years, trained to face it. But still, when the fabled reality finally strikes, most of us are knocked silly.
No one warned these kids. No one trained them to face the “real world”. They were born into it. It’s the only one they know. Yet they deal with it, everyday, day after day.
These li’l elves are survivors. Brave brand of fighters whom no one applauds, no one thinks of giving award to. And they do it without whining. Because they know no alternative. They live their lives, from one stop at the intersection to another.
Little waifs selling nick-knacks at traffic intersections is a very everyday sight, at lest in this mighty country of contradictions. In fact we’ve become so used to them, that they kind of have become like house elves in a Harry Potter book- always scuttling about, but never really visible.
I was at the intersection near the Forum in Koramangala that day. While waiting for the traffic from the other end to stop, I noticed this little punk across the road. He looked like spirited imp, in his rather over-sized clothes, well worn, of that murky urchin colour, that is not quite grey, not entirely brown. Now, this one was prancing happily in this side, with his sack of sellables, till he reached a waiting car. Then suddenly his happy expression changed. It became desperate, desolate picture of the poor hungry urchin on the road. The homeless, hapless orphan, forced to the streets, in an age when he should have been in school. Transformation was complete and he played his part well.
As the light turned green again, he hopped back to his elfish oblivion again, clutching the loose change in his hand, waiting for the next traffic light, next transformation.
As I watched this li’l drama I realized that what I felt for this kid was not sympathy. It was a strange kind of respect. This child, all of perhaps six, had already learnt to live, he had learnt that important lesson in life that most of us don’t, at least not until it’s too late. That this world allows the survival, only of the fittest.
He had figured that he lives in a world that not only is unfair, but is also never unfair in his favour. Had accepted that to live, he had to put on an act. So life pulled a past one on him, he just had to pull a faster one on life.
It’s funny how the world works. Most of us- the so called “privileged kids”- are expected to be good at dealing with challenges of life. That’s what we are trained for by parents, drilled at school by teachers. We are told what to expect in the “real world”, and for nearly 15-20 years, trained to face it. But still, when the fabled reality finally strikes, most of us are knocked silly.
No one warned these kids. No one trained them to face the “real world”. They were born into it. It’s the only one they know. Yet they deal with it, everyday, day after day.
These li’l elves are survivors. Brave brand of fighters whom no one applauds, no one thinks of giving award to. And they do it without whining. Because they know no alternative. They live their lives, from one stop at the intersection to another.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
U Know U Are In Kerala Again
Well, was there again! Plus this seems to be the season for sequels. Ice Age 2, X-Men 3 ( The Last Stand, apparently. From now on, they sit. Ok, sorry, real PJ), n if you thought sequels and trilogies were boring, there's always Ocean's Thirteen (now this has possibilities, I'll be looking forward to an Ocean's 56, but that's next year), KKRISHHH (er...no comments!). So I wouldn't want my poor humble blog to feel left out would I? So after the phenomenal (spelled wrong??gosh!don't tell anyone I studied Eng Lit in coll!!) sucess of the original post (yeah right!) here's the much awaited sequel (actually not, but what the heck, no one's gonna sue me for saying that)
So, u know that u are in Kerala again, when,
U notice that though most school don't extend their uniforms to shoes, they will however, insist that girls wear big fat ribbons on there thick coconut oiled black hair.
There will be atleast 3 strikes/bandhs/harthals every month. If everyone's having a busy month they may settle for just a 'panni-mudakku' or only one harthal. And they are all different things by definition mind you, even though, eventually it is just a reason to be lazy.
All the shops will be closed by 7 p.m, 8, if you happen to live in the most happening part of the town.
You will find Mohanlal, or Mammootti, or Kavya Madhavan grinning at you from top of sign boards of every other shop. Current favourite, I believe is Prithviraj, even though he is faaar behind dear old Lalettan (copyright violation, owe this to Sreejith)
You start confusing saree shops...er showrooms, or jewelleries with shopping malls. How very stupid of you. Just because the the saree showrooms n jewelleries are spread across spaces as big as a football stadium, and are 5 floors high, each specialised for a specific kind of saree or jewellery, customised for your comfort, does NOT mean that you think they are shopping malls. Seriously, they should give out store maps that have a red cross marked saying 'you are here' and another one saying 'you'd want to get your ass here' before they let people into a Joy Allukas or a Kalyan silks or sundry other mazes pretending to be showrooms.
This is the sure shot way of knowing that u really are in Kerala. You will find 'showrooms' for umbrellas, with high-tech umbies that come in all shapes, colours n sizes possible- With lights, with automatic open-shut buttons, hands-free ones, that sing when you open them, ones that jump up and do a li'l polka dance when u close them. And there will be familiy loyalties running across generations towards a particular brand name. Their ad campaigns can give Coke n Pepsi run for their money. "Mazza Mazza, Kudaa Kudaa. Mazza vannal Popy Kudaa"
This again more applicable for Kottayam-Cochin side. Every small town junction will have a 'Kurishupalli' regardless of whether there is a real 'palli' (for non-mallus, that's church) around or not.
People will still stare if you wear jeans and a short tee. Sometimes if are really unlucky you will meet jerks who will leer at you in such a way that you wonder if u have you cloths inside out, or if ur fly's open. :( :(
You will find atleast 2 bus stands in every town, no matter how small the town is- one for 'private buses' and another for 'transport buses'(these are KSRTC buses). Nevermind the fact that both the buses are used for 'transport' :D
Buses will have bells, with a loong rope running through one side, that the conductor can tug, to signal stop or go to the driver. One ring means stop, two to go. Pretty innovative :)
Killies. No, I don't mean the winged variety. This is the post given to that additional guy in most of the 'private buses' in Kerala. Why a guy would want his job description to mean 'small bird' is beyond me, but this is ur friendly neighbourhood chap who stands on the bus ka steps, helps the passengers climb in n climb out, helps poor ladies by pulling up their luggage into the bus, helps old ladies, by pulling them into the bus, n also tries mild forms of firting with pretty young things. Generally tells u to move in, make space for others, hold on for dear life. Tells the driver when to stop, when to move on. Very unique, n very special to Kerala.
There will be associations, and cooperative societies for everything. Last time I went, the state conference for the all Kerala bakers' association, innovatively named "Bake' was being held in Ernakulam. 8
To God's own country...And to His own humour sense ! :)
So, u know that u are in Kerala again, when,
U notice that though most school don't extend their uniforms to shoes, they will however, insist that girls wear big fat ribbons on there thick coconut oiled black hair.
There will be atleast 3 strikes/bandhs/harthals every month. If everyone's having a busy month they may settle for just a 'panni-mudakku' or only one harthal. And they are all different things by definition mind you, even though, eventually it is just a reason to be lazy.
All the shops will be closed by 7 p.m, 8, if you happen to live in the most happening part of the town.
You will find Mohanlal, or Mammootti, or Kavya Madhavan grinning at you from top of sign boards of every other shop. Current favourite, I believe is Prithviraj, even though he is faaar behind dear old Lalettan (copyright violation, owe this to Sreejith)
You start confusing saree shops...er showrooms, or jewelleries with shopping malls. How very stupid of you. Just because the the saree showrooms n jewelleries are spread across spaces as big as a football stadium, and are 5 floors high, each specialised for a specific kind of saree or jewellery, customised for your comfort, does NOT mean that you think they are shopping malls. Seriously, they should give out store maps that have a red cross marked saying 'you are here' and another one saying 'you'd want to get your ass here' before they let people into a Joy Allukas or a Kalyan silks or sundry other mazes pretending to be showrooms.
This is the sure shot way of knowing that u really are in Kerala. You will find 'showrooms' for umbrellas, with high-tech umbies that come in all shapes, colours n sizes possible- With lights, with automatic open-shut buttons, hands-free ones, that sing when you open them, ones that jump up and do a li'l polka dance when u close them. And there will be familiy loyalties running across generations towards a particular brand name. Their ad campaigns can give Coke n Pepsi run for their money. "Mazza Mazza, Kudaa Kudaa. Mazza vannal Popy Kudaa"
This again more applicable for Kottayam-Cochin side. Every small town junction will have a 'Kurishupalli' regardless of whether there is a real 'palli' (for non-mallus, that's church) around or not.
People will still stare if you wear jeans and a short tee. Sometimes if are really unlucky you will meet jerks who will leer at you in such a way that you wonder if u have you cloths inside out, or if ur fly's open. :( :(
You will find atleast 2 bus stands in every town, no matter how small the town is- one for 'private buses' and another for 'transport buses'(these are KSRTC buses). Nevermind the fact that both the buses are used for 'transport' :D
Buses will have bells, with a loong rope running through one side, that the conductor can tug, to signal stop or go to the driver. One ring means stop, two to go. Pretty innovative :)
Killies. No, I don't mean the winged variety. This is the post given to that additional guy in most of the 'private buses' in Kerala. Why a guy would want his job description to mean 'small bird' is beyond me, but this is ur friendly neighbourhood chap who stands on the bus ka steps, helps the passengers climb in n climb out, helps poor ladies by pulling up their luggage into the bus, helps old ladies, by pulling them into the bus, n also tries mild forms of firting with pretty young things. Generally tells u to move in, make space for others, hold on for dear life. Tells the driver when to stop, when to move on. Very unique, n very special to Kerala.
There will be associations, and cooperative societies for everything. Last time I went, the state conference for the all Kerala bakers' association, innovatively named "Bake' was being held in Ernakulam. 8
To God's own country...And to His own humour sense ! :)
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