Someone Please Tell Her She's In Love!

Statutory Warning: Lots of giggleing and Girl Talk ahead. Thou are warned. Proceed at your own Peril

Conversation had over gtalk. Undisclosed time, undisclosed location, and definitely undisclosed her. This is a work of fiction. But then what fiction is afterall a mere shadow of reality. Any resemblence to any person dead is absolutely unintentional. The living, of course is a different matter. All the author wishes to say is conveyed in one Cranberries' song- In Your Head!:P

Her: i have been meanin to talk to u for eons man

Me: eons and all huh

:)

jus read ur mail

certified!u re in love

no two ways about it gurl

Her: i cant be

thats it

i have to get outta it

Me: lady, y working so hard to get outta it before u even fell into it completely

Her: cuz i dont wanna fall in to it

he is not that type

Me: hmmmm

cant believe we re having this conversation

i mean i can believe we are having this conversation, but somehow we BOTH seem to be on the wrong side

Her: ?

why

Me: u re saying things that i said for 3 freakkin years n i'm saying what u said for three freakkin years!!!!

Her: true

i mean we should stop takin each other very seriously

what do u say

Me: when did the world do this flip thingy??no one told me!!!!

Her: he he he

he he he it jus happened

Me: seriously man

now i'm freakking out

Her: y

what's up

Me: do u reckon i changed way too much after u left?

last time u told me that, n i ve been thinking of that ever since

:(

Her: not much

i like u this way

Me: yeah?shit man

this way is whc way???

Her: the lighter side of moontalk

lil optimistic about love

:)

Me: tee hee

ah well

Her: :)

ha har har

why are u blushing man

:)

Me: hey!

who said anything bout blushing???

Her: he he he

i figured

...(means there's stuff that you dont need to know)

*Now begins the real Story*

Her: shit man

he gives so many signs

this guy

Me: hmmm

Her: stufid boys

Me: tee hee

so y dont u ask him

Her: no

Me: that i'll knock the stuffing outta him

:D

Her: that will kinda complicate things

he he he

Me: then u can say u were bluffing

Her: i am not doing it anymore

he he he

he is a very

Me: :D add a li'l insult to injury

:D

Her: so mean!!!

Me: he's a very?

Her: hmm he cannot express himself

what he feels

Me: hmmm

Her: in words

he hesistates

Me: want me to talk to him and giv him some tips

???

i can do that for u

Her:he he he

naa thanks

Her: but then he tries so hard and tells me certain things

Me: UH HUH

Her: this is endearing

:)

very very

Me: wat certain things will that be????

ahem!ahem!AHEM!!!

Her: we were

hey!!!

:)

Me: wat happened to "protect urself" n "he's not my type" and "naaaahhh"

Her: he he he

Me: WOMAN!!!who u kidding??????

Her: he he he

no da

once i asked

him

what if u like someon

he said he wont tell her and if he keeps quiet it will go away after sometime

so if he is actually talkin to me thins much i am sure he doesnt have tht feeeling for me u know

Me: and u started believing wats guys say bout their feelings since when????

Her: he he he

good pooint

Me: c'mon da!if he likes u, he's hardly gonna answer that question honstly

Her: no we were having a real serious conv that day

Me: i mean, we re talking GUYS and FEELINGS here

Her: he he heh

Me: uh hmmm

Her: ure so cute yea moontalk

Me: oy!!

Her: full emotions coming out

Me: lets not deviate here okay!!!

Her: he he he

na i like the deviation

:)

Me: yeah yeah

from him being "endearing" i ve become "cute"

Her: yeah yeah yea

:)

Me: lowve!lowve!lowve!!!!

thats wat this is all bout

Her: na

Me: u dont use language like that otherwise!!!!

Her: :(

excuse me

wtf

i use cute and all

endearin new word learnt today

i used it in a sentence

Me: i'm sure if u learn flibertigibet today u'd use that in the next given opportunity too

:P

he he he :)

Me: yeah yeah

Her: i could go on talkin about him

man

...

*yep, she's not in love. Absolutely NOT*

*Now, whats the point of having friends if you can't blackmail them bout their love lifes???*

Me: u kw wat, i'm gonna post this on the blog and send him the link

:D

Her: pode

no no

these guys are stupid

i knw

Me: muahahahahahahahaha

Her:no da

thats it

i stop here

i have made a decision

and this is not like any stupid ones

Me: yep

u re afterall a strong independant woman *she is, she really is*

Her: i am gonna give life a chancebut this whole thin g is that

podi

i am seriously saying

Me: okay okay

Her: :) ;-/

Me: seriously say

Her: podi

:)

i don wanto get in to anymore messes where i have NO SAY

what shit yea

sometimes i need to be in the place wher i can take decisions na

i mean

Me: dude da, not gonna happen

all said n done u will feel just what u don wanna feel

Her: podai

tch tch

y

Me: see if tch tch worked, then i'd be falling in love with someone else na

y am i bother bout this sad chap who perhaps more fucked up in the head than i am???

Her: hehehe

cuz ure stupid

Me: yeah okay then!!!

n what ar u????

Her: he he he

Her: my point exactly

:p

Her: grrr

i dunno

il tke it as it comes i guess

Me: go with the flow huh?

Her: hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i wanto make noises

that icant type

Me: okay....(ermmmm...wat was I supposed to say to that???!!!)

Her: ye!!!

Me: u kw that sentence came out all weird right

:D

Her: nothing kinky

Her: yeah

!!!

Me: !!!

:D

...

*and thus spake the wise one*

Her:kids!

still kids we all are!

Me: tee hee

yeah

its all about relative maturity for the momment i guess

Her: yeah

yep

i guess for every age we will be young

Me: oh my

there's a thought!

okie

Her: he he he

Me: need to leave now

late already

(And then in typical gal fashion, we proceed to talk for another 20 mins, before I finally got my sorry ass outta the office!

Now, I'm gonna go underground for about 4 years so that the lady in question cannot hunt me down and chop me into tiny li'l pieces of vulture dinner. Ta People! Pray for my soul. And please, tell her she's in love!)

I Massacred 21 Kids, I am SO Sorry!

The country has gone into shock over the Nithari killings. The mangled parts of the victims are still being sieved out of the drain behind industrialist Mohinder Singh Pandey’s house. Helpless parents from all nearby areas are coming to Sector 31, to see if some bit of all that flesh, bones, blood or cloths, belonged to their lost child. Half a dozen UP cops have been sacked, a couple of probes being ordered. And what does the sick psychopath have to say? “Please forgive me, I committed a mistake”

This was not done for money, though the latest update is that this sicko was involved with organ trading too, along with everything else. But the way he went about is appalling. He and his personal human slicer servant, Surendra Kohli, lure little kids with sweets, get them in the house, sexually abuse and then kill them. Then the victim’s head is cut of, his/her body chopped like bits of meat, packed in a gunny bag and then carelessly dumped in the drain. Police found a saw, yes a saw, in the house allegedly used for the whole slicing-the-kids-up ritual. And this routine happened, over 20 times, over a span of two years.

No Mister, you didn’t commit a mistake. You committed rape. You committed murder. You committed the gory act of killing 21, and God knows how many more, innocent people. Children. And in the most cruel possible manner imaginable. You don’t deserve forgiveness. You deserve the noose.

Forgiveness. A rather funny thing, don’t you thing? Noble, undoubtedly. It gives you a sense of power, a sense of having done something rather good, both asking for it, and giving it. In a way, you feel vindicated. You wrecked my life, but I forgive you. You hurt me like hell, but I forgive you. But how can you forgive a person who takes away something so precious from you life, that you can never be the same again. These people, these parents, what had they done to deserve such a fate? Those kids, what had they done? Why did they have to die, in a way that you only read in cheap thrillers and psychology case studies?

Human rights group waste no time going up in the arms when ever someone is sentenced to death. ‘Oh, I understand that he killed so many, but killing him is not human.’ ‘Life is sacred, and when you don’t have the power to give it, you don’t have the power to take it.’ Heck, there was a bloody strike in Kerela because Saddam Hussain was hanged. Yes human life is sacred, yes killing is inhuman. That is just why these worst forms of vermin deserve to die. When you kill someone, and kill them not out of rage, not out of revenge, but just for the heck of it, you forfeit your right to live. Your life can no longer be sacred property, when you have taken so many. And taken them without remorse, without conscience. As far as I am concerned, that makes a pretty strong case point in favour of the gallows.

Skeletons

What if one day you wake up, and realise that you are sick of the lie that you have been so carefully building up all your life? That you have been so busy in playing this person you thought you should be that you forgot what it was to be you? That perhaps, there is no such things as "you"...just a collation of reactions. Reactions to what others said. Others did. You just went through life, one reaction to another.

Your folks wanted to you to be like every other kid- smart, rich, happy. So you decided to be a rebel, but where is your cause? Your friends wanted you to be more understanding, so you pretended to understand. But what do you want to be? What are you? Is there even a real you? And if there is, then why doesn't this real you ever raise her voice in protest?

You never felt anything. You never hated anyone, never loved anyone. You so desperately wanted to, so you convince yourself it is because you are unique. You can't be what others are. You have different priorities. And no one understands that.

You pretend to be smart. You pretent to be strong. Arrogant. Ambitious, no-nonsense woman.
And in your heart you know you are that 12 year old who used to close the door, play the music loud, and then sit and cry. Just because you thought if someone saw your tears, they would know how stupid and weak you really are.

Some skeletons have this habbit of popping up in your mind when just when you had completely forgotten about them.

No people, I am not depressed. This is, afterall, just another cheap trick to grab attention.

May be I should take Lash's advice. And get me a coffin. Cheers!

Some Gentleman’s Game This

On Tuesday, Nov 28^th, the front page of TOI carried a photograph that quite simply made my blood boil. Couple of Lok Janashakthi Party “activists” smearing cow dung, on the picture of the Indian cricket team, and on the walls of cricketer Mohhamad Kaif’s house. What sort of a behaviour is that? What filthy attitude is that? Okay, so the whole country is angry because of the team’s dismal performance. I am too. We are a cricket crazy nation. We are an otherwise crazy nation too. The players are some kind of demi-gods, with temples dedicated to them. India wins; it’s a nation wide party. If it loses, then it’s the Great Depression. Before every world cup, people take it on themselves to conduct pujas on the players’ behalf, for the team to perform well. It’s like the team is this giant kid, going to give it’s broad exams, with the expectations of a family of a billion, weighing upon it.

And I have always thought that we have a team made for the population. It’s equally unpredictable. And just as crazy. It loses matches that seem like a breeze. And when the whole world has said the last word, the Men in Blue go down under and pull out a miracle.

But honestly, this time I think we have broken all boundaries. Both the team in dismally sad performance, and the rest of the country in over reacting. What right do some nutty party non-workers to go deface a player’s house? Smear it with cow dung? A follow up a few days later said that the family was considering moving out of UP because it had become difficult for them to live in such psychotically hostile surroundings. If I remember right, some hooligans has previously thrown stones at the house in a previous incident. I can understand their decision to move, what I don’t understand is why.

It is about time we act a little more grown-uppish about the game. Okay, it is not just a game, it is a religion. But no one says religion has to always involve violent knee-jerk reactions, and harm to people and property. Or is it that religious riots and violence in the name of Gods, and now demi- gods, has become the part of the Indian way of life?

First thing to do, would be to actually chuck that precious coach of ours. I don’t really care to analyze his coaching or cricketing abilities. He just can’t seem to know how to conduct himself in public, and honestly, he is made more news for his controversial comments and nit-pickings- first with the then-caption, and now with the MPs, than he has ever done for the team’s performance under him. We don’t need a coach to teach our players how to play cricket, they are good at it on their own. We need a coach to bring the players together to perform as a team, and perform well. And this, Mr. Chappell has sorely, dismally, failed to do. He is appointed to do a job in a country that is not his own, he could begin with having some respect for that country. And not play the smart ass there, and always pass the buck to someone else all the time. I don’t remember one incident, where Chappy has come forward to take responsibility, and said, “the team didn’t perform well, it was a joint responsibility, we are sorry”. Instead, he is full of complaints, for the team, for the captain, for the MPs and for the board. WTF?!!!

And now, dear darling Members of the mighty Indian Parliament, are you really so starved for attention? Why is that you are so hell bent on losing what ever little respect that we have for you? Ooh ooh! A defense scandal! The defense minister has to step down! Ooh! Ooh! A communal riot! The CM should step down! Ooh! Ooh! Pakistan sneezed! The Prime Minister step down! Please, stop thinking that asking people to resign whenever there is a controversy, will immediately solve all the country’s problems. If it did, we won’t need you. Well, on second thoughts, we don’t need you anyways.

And to my fellow media guys, people! Why do have to work so hard to make our MPs look like a bunch of bumbling fools? Stop trying to reinvent the wheel, and start publishing on some real news. If you don’t stop hounding the minister to get sound bites, and stupid remarks, you probably miss Ash and Aby’s baby lighting a diya together, Ganga kinaare, after they fought about Ash- Hritik kiss being 2 secs too long. After all that is breaking news we all are holding our breath for.

And to the Men In Blue, COME ON guys!!!!

Miss Know-It All said: The blue billion rises. The so do the Men- in- Blues! It’s all just fizz. Sab moh maya hai!

Sadness!

What do you do, when you half-think you are falling in love with exactly the same guy with whom you really, REALLY do NOT want to fall in love with??!!!

AND, then what do you do, when someone you thought was gone off into the mist of yesterday, suddenly comes out of the fog, and asks you the most incredible question of your life?

AND then, what do you do, when you are still confused, and you STILL don't like it???

AND, then what do you do when your editor finds out you have not really been working?!

SIGH!! Decisions! Decisions!!

"Bad gal, bad gal, Wattaya gonna do?
Wattaya gonna do, when they come for you!?"

The Good, The Nasty and The Funny

* I wrote this on Monday, Just never got a chance to upload it. Sigh!And noone believes me when I say I am busy *

Monday morning, and I am already cheesed off. What a great way to start your week.
As with every Monday morning, I wake up late. My body refuses to move out of the cosy bed, and my brain, refuses to do anything to help, it doesn’t even register a small protest. In fact, it actively collaborates with my brain saying, “Ah my pretty, you can rest a while more, let moontalk be screwed. Now when my mind, and my body gang up against the poor old me, what do I do than give up?

Which means, as with every Monday morning, I take a rick instead of a bus. What better way to begin a week than to over-spend? (Shit I need to manage my money better)


I reach the happy place that is my office, today this big exclusive is supposed to go live. I read through the story, and there’s this tiny line inserted which I didn’t find when I last saved the story on Friday eve, no night, because it was 9.15 p.m when I left. Speaking to our ed-in-chief, Mr. X, of the company Y, said…” Now let me give you some background information on this. I did the research. I made the friggin questionnaire, I wrote the goddamn story. Yes, the chief-in-ed, did speak to him. Asked him all the questions that I bloody gave to him. And his happy name comes in print. Usually we have a no by-line policy with most of the stuff that we write. And I am cool with that. So the story as I wrote read, “When Mr.X, of company Y, spoke to the us….”. But now that’s changed. Technically, it’s true. If u call up our dear X, he’d probably testify. But why is a little voice in my head saying, “@&*$ them?”

* * * *

I take a dekho at the colophon for the next issue of the mag, and guess who the new Assistant Editor is? Yep, yours truly. Ah well! So I get a name, and a promotion, what if it’s just on paper, and doesn’t really mean anything. One should appreciate the small mercies in life, right?

* * * *

We went and saw The Departed on Saturday. After a loooooong time, a movie made me go “WOW”. And that’s all I will say!

P.S: I also saw, The Shawshank Redemption on Friday (yeah, yeah, yeah, believe it. I had NOT seen the movie till now. Shame, I know). Another really “WOW” movie. (Now I still stand by what I said about The Departed, because The Shawshank Redemption released way back, it’s my fault that I never saw it, right?) Its feel good, without being sloppy or mushy, or romantic (now we don’t have too many of those around do we?). It leaves you with a warm happy feeling in your tummy, and makes you feel like there is hope for this world yet. Maybe I should watch it again today. Hmmmmm….

* * * *

Time: Evening- 7ish
Day: Saturday
Random scene on Brigade Road:

Two ‘dudes’ standing on the side-walk in front of Mota Arcade(think that’s what it is called). One of the flower kids trying the best of his salesman skills. (There is this bunch of very enterprising street kids who haunt Brigade-MG road stretch, selling flowers. I say haunt, because they are every guy’s nightmare- here they are trying to pataofy this gal they have been trying to pataofy for the last 3 weeks, and here comes the kid, “Bhaiya phool le lo na bahiya, didi ke liye le lo, dekho usse chahiye, aapko leke dena chahiye…” and so on, till the guy is the most glorious colour of pink and the gal can’t stop giggling. There goes all the romantic, but oh-so-smart lines he had rehearsed with his friends. Anyways, I digress). So the overheard part of the conversation:

Dude* in a very desolated voice, with full emotion on face *: Arrey, aap mujhe ye bataiye, mein doon kisko???(You tell me, whom do I give it to???)

AAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
(I really did laugh out loud, and that guy went the brightesht shade of pink, anyway!)

Google Has Me All Figured Out

Googlism for: sneha
sneha is open from 8 (er...no commens)
sneha is a voluntary organisation that values human life and feelings
sneha is bitch (shit!you are NOT supposed to say that in public!Damn Google!)
sneha is the great actor (yep, they offered me the Oscar this year. But I said, no!)
sneha is an organization for women of south asian origin and their families (ummm....)
sneha is continuing to fundraise and network within the community( I need money people!!!)
sneha is distrusted by (ah well! The list won't fit in here)
sneha is really cute in this role (as always baby!)
sneha is located at 1214 apollo way (now you know my name, AND my address)
sneha is concentrating among the slum dwellers of khurbura (I such goodness)
sneha is his daughter (My daddy, strongest)
sneha is sure to bag one ( Uh huh!)
sneha is the hottest name (so it really is not the weather)
sneha is wasted and has little to do (yeah, they banned gmail and orkut in office, you see!)
sneha is a registered charity with igive (josh, I am SUCH goodness)
sneha is consistantly represented at the new york metro reptile expo (yep I'm a hit with the kids too)
sneha is going to work with vijay (he kept begging me man! What to do?)
sneha is ready (as alwyas)
sneha is a hindi word meaning 'love' or 'affection' (there's something you didn't know)
sneha is miffed with vikram (oh he's such an irritating prick man!!)
sneha is already married to anand (we are getting a divorce, don't worry)
sneha is simply superb in her looks and acting (blush, blush)
sneha is intrinsically a money (who never has any)
sneha is deeply in love with mr (your guess is as good as mine! Sign!)
sneha is the daughter of the landlord ( ha!I'm rich!)
sneha is their pride (gosh!)
sneha is extremely cute and equally impressive with her acting (gosh people, shy coming, shy coming)
sneha is very pretty and preetha fares well (yeah she's passable too)
sneha is a physician who is doing her residency in internal medicine at st (I am beauty AND brains, yeah baby, I rock!)
sneha is
sneha is able to bag more and more decent characters (there are so hard to get man)
sneha is now helping to set up the first survivor support groups in india (didn't I tell you I was goodness?)
sneha is the project coordinator of the u (sorry that's classified information)
sneha is working (or trying to)
sneha is missing (since 1999)
sneha is cast as the heroine opposite prashanth (ummmm....things you gotta do to make a living)
sneha is a brilliant researcher and clinician originally hailing from mysore (Intelligence, see?)
sneha is spending the year working with kids as part of an americorps program called city year
sneha is in hospital following a car accident on her way to tirupathi (yeah I'm critical. Dunno if I'll survive.)
sneha is beautiful but has to go a long way before she can be recognized as a good actress (oh yeah??YOU do it then!)
sneha is ugly is so stupid
sneha is ugly and srikanth is a cutie a (yeah, I'm fat and mean too)
sneha is a beautiful south indian actress (okay, enough!)
sneha is her beautiful self but it takes some time to get used to the voice that has dubbed for her (People like the natural me)
sneha is the heart
sneha is responsible for cleaning up litter on a stretch of highway (sigh, like I said, things we do for work)
sneha is helped by her friend janaki who also hates men (The operative word being ALSO)
sneha is the only suicide
sneha is in love with abbas but her marriage is fixed with someone else against her wishes (life's a bitch ain't it)
sneha is refreshing
sneha is the hottest name in the tamil film industry (okay, this DOES it)
sneha is proving herself to be one of those actresses who can carry any role with ease
sneha is
sneha is tharun's pair and preetha vijayakumar is paired with amsavardhan
sneha is a sophomore at nnhs
sneha is studying in chennai's amm school
sneha is very touched by these gestures (P.S. don't ask me where)
sneha is to provide utklesha
sneha is now under the gloom of self (now I am a depressed maniac)
sneha is enjoying herself (right now, yeah I am!)
sneha is seven months old (I am a wee li'l child)
sneha is playing opposite prashant and this is her first film
sneha is on the 2nd spot with 4
sneha is a cooperative society providing micro finance services in the rural and semi urban areas of ranga reddy district in andhra pradesh
sneha is preferred medicated (this, ladies and gentlemen is my favourite of the lot)
sneha is kept in a clean container at a place safe from cold and humidity (er...creepy)
sneha is affiliated to befrienders international (absolutely no comments)
sneha is again of two types (!)
sneha is oil (!!)
sneha is led by a team of experienced and skilled individuals
sneha is indeed in her prime now (er.......)
sneha is over ( I refuse to accept that)
sneha is vice (Yeah, I am Evil)
sneha is a sophomore here at northwestern university majoring in biology
sneha is yet to be released (er.....)
sneha is the hottest name in the tamil film (old news)

Okay people, now you know my name, my address, and everything about me. I opened my heart to you, handle with care!(God, what a cheesy line)