Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Rhyme n Reason

U can be friends with all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons. Because both of u like cafĂ©’ frappe’ n Abhishek Bacchan alike. Because both of u hate flurocent orange. Or because she thinks the kinda guys u like look sad, and u think the kinda guys she likes look gay:). But once in while, u come across that one friendship, that u just cannot reason away. It’s there…just because.
N it’s this friend that I wanna tell u abt. He irritates the hell out of me wen he keeps arguing with me or wen keeps begging me for treats, which is aways. I hate it wen he gives me is I-know-better-than-u looks (they are worse than his I-told-u looks). I hate his mocking laughter, wen he gangs up with others and says, “Excuse her, she’s a bit special”, patting my head. I HATE it wen he pulls my cheeks, and hate it evn more coz I know that he knows that I hate it, but does it all the same.
But I love him for the way he can make me talk…bout anything and everything. N the way he’ll come after me, after I storm out after a fight, knowing full well that before I’ve gone 10 steps, I’d be more miserable than the poor soul I yelled at.
I hate the way he thinks he has me all figured out. And for the fact that for most of it, he has. But I LOVE it when I realize, how wrong he can be at times.
He’s the only guy who’s called me a bitch, on my face, in front of half a dozen people, n meant it too. Still wen he came back, I accepted it. He hardly tried to justify it, or explain y. Heck, he didn’t even offer a proper ‘I’m-sorry’. He is the only guy whom I’ve called a ‘bloody-fucked-up-loser’, on the face, but not in front of half a dozen people. I did offer a I’m-sorry though. N he accepted it. Both us know neither of us will forget any of it, but it’s OK.

I hate him for my best friend fell in love wid him, with less than happy consequences. N for the muddle he’s created with a good number of others. But I respect him for having the courage to stand by the one girl he said he loved, taking a chance that his friends will someday understand. For patiently waiting for that day.

I respect him for the way he can look at people, see what usually goes unnoticed. The way he can see good in everyone, bad in everyone.
I hate him for trying to ‘help’ me, or sympathize with me, wen all I needed him to do was be there, wen all I needed was a friend. N I do hate him for making me think, at one point, that I was in love with him. Love him for the fact that wen I realized I was not, I felt neither resentful, nor relieved. I didn’t feel uncomfortable bout the possibility of being in love, or bout the reality that I was not. Because it really didn’t matter. What mattered was that at some level, he understood what it was like to be me, n made me feel it was not so bad.
He’s hurt me at times, n hurt me good. I’ve hurt him at times, n hurt him good. I’ve thrown him outta my life a zillion times, walked outta his life a zillion times, but he’s come back, every single one of those times.
He’s not my best friend. Probably not even the closest. I’m most definitely not his. He doesn’t make me feel any special. Or even loved, for the matter. He makes me feel like…me. Just me.
N u know what? It ain’t so bad.
N oh! I LOVE the way his ears will turn the most glorious colour of pink when he reads this. And the way he’ll vehemently deny that they have not!

Red Ribbon Loops

When are we gonna grow up??? No seriously, it quite simply ceases to be funny anymore.
Dec 1st. World AIDS Day. A day, set aside to spread awareness about a disease, which is, quite effectively wiping out entire populations, and doing it nice and slow, so that not many realize it. So everyone thinks its important to disillusion people who still think that AIDS is something that drug addicts and prostitutes n those scum of earth who get into all sorts of “immoral activities” get. So religiously, everyone who mattered, pinned a red ribbon on his or her shirt to express solidarity with the noble cause.
I wore one too. Our college distributed them at the gates. That was not all. There were talks, seminars, documentaries. Placards all around campus that told u how AIDS can and cannot spread. There were the usual blood transfusion will, n shaking hands won’t deal, but one of them proclaimed, “Multiple-partner sex causes AIDS”. Huh? Excuse me? All due respect for the people who put in all the effort to put in those banners, but don’t u really think its kinda time that we finish with the preaching and tackle the problem like mature adults do? If sex with multiple partners causes AIDS, then hell, Idon’t see much hope for the future of the world. I dunno if they wrote that intentionally or outta simple misinformation, but this is exactly the kinda attitude that is the root cause of all the stigmatization that AIDS n HIV patients have to deal with..
In India sex, is a four letter word, sexuality, is something we don’t discuss in polite company, and pre-marital sex is something that should be declared criminal.
Recently Isaw an article being put up in our coll notice board, from B’lore Times, bout condom vending machines that were put up in the JNU campus. For one glorious moment I thought that our coll’s actually decided to shed its holier-than-thou attitude on such issues (who am I kiddin, on every issue), but no! My bubble burst wen I read the last para, which was highlighted to show the real cause of its finding a place there- a comment by a familiar name, which read “College is not the time for such things”. I’ve all the respect for the person, she’s a great teacher, n an awesome lady, but seriously??? If they just take a quickie scan around coll, they’ll probably realize that a considerable number are not single, n half are not exactly virgins (there! I said the word. Now are they gonna sue me for defamation next?). Its pretty evident that students today are getting a completely different kind of education in college (n yes schools too), while teachers are deliberately closing their eyes to it.
Wat we really need is to do away with taking the high moral ground, and open up to a lot. The birds n bees story may work wen we re 3, but phuleese do not insult a 17 year old’s intelligence with that. Stop saying “multiple partners will land u in trouble”, no one will listen. Tell them unprotected sex with some guy/gal whose face u wont remember the next morn is gonna get ur immune system fucked(yes, i used the dreaded f word),they'll make sure they use protection. Wen curious teens learn that A+B can sometimes make C, they’ll think before.
Sex really does determine the amount of freedom u’ll ever have in ur life. Bring it out of the closets, or backs or cars parked on lonely roads. N there will a fewer porn mags stacked away under the sink, n people wont go to the chemist n guiltily ask for “woh hai na, woh”. U’ll free a lot of minds, n in the process save a lot of lives.
Life doesn’t end with AIDS. But it sure becomes a tough battle. Those addicted can perhaps do without the stigma. But I don’t think they re looking for sympathy. They need understanding, n solidarity. And that is what the red ribbon is all about.
Ms. Know-it-all said: “What we need is actually to learn from our cultural heritage. We just need to know the right books to refer…kama sutra anyone? ; )

Thursday, December 01, 2005

who says there's no magic in the muggle world?

Saw harry potter and the goblet of fire recently. Me and a friend, we rushed into the theater, collected our tickets, gropped in the semi darkness to find our seats, n settled in. we were just about getting comfy, when these three gals walk in. they look at us, look at their ticket numbers, look back at us. We meanwhile are trying to pretend that whateva they do is not really our concern…they are just a bunch of confused kids. So they politely say, “I think u guys ve got the wrong seats...” well we aint giving up that easy, we’ve got saet numbers 5 n 6, n this is 5 n 6! Turns out we were right, it was seat number 5 n 6, only in the wrong row. so we move our asses to the row in front, n finally settle in...n the movie begins.2 n half hours of pure magic!

Rowling has this amazing ability to bring her stories to life, a fine attention to details, n magic so real that u tend to feel it, not just read it.the first 3 movies, kinda sucked, but this one was gud...ok not comparable to the book, but good in its own right.nevermind that dumbledore's a bit over-excited, n krum has all 1 n a half mins of dialogue(not that i'm complaining, it was good enough to look at him ;)).
harry potter, books usually, but this time around the movie too, always gets me in the wish-i-was-there mood.wish that magic actually existed in the muggle world too.but then, i wondered doesnt it? isn's life an everyday evidence of magic...perhaps as Hagrid says in the first book, if we muggles stop trying so hard to ignore it, we'd see magic everywhere...
isn't it magic the way some hundred odd people, who have not seen each other before, n will probably not see each other again, can sit in the darkness of one huge room, n let someone else's magic wash over them? isn't it magic, that for some 2 n a half hours, they suspend all other realities, n just believe what they see...and at the end of these 2 n a half hours, they all go back to their happy lives, unchanged, unaffected. but not always, is it?sometimes, there are some movies that do change a part of u. isn't that magic?
isn't magic that fire fly can light up, without burning up?that the salt water that rises up from seas, falls as rain?(ok, lines from a song, all copyrights violated, but still is amazing!). isn't it magic that n atom, that minuscule(wrong spelling??) thing can actually further be broken into a whole lot of parts? isnt it magic that our brain can hold so many memories, from colour of our dress that we wore on our first date, to the name of the dog of our first best friend, but quite simply refuses to remember the last date of submission for the college assignment?isnt it magic that on a crappy day, wen everything seems to go wrong, one small kid u meet across the street jus smiles at u, for reasons known only to him, n suddenly it seems not so bad.cheering charm?that u can sit with your friend for hours, not really say anything of consequence, but stil walk off feeling u jus had the best conversation of ur life?
see?life's full of magic. every nook, every corner, u'll see an elf laughing at u. u'll see a li'l wizard flipping his wand.
wen we got out of the theatre, my friend said, 'wish it'd jus go on , not get over'. well, buddy, it does go on!
ms know it all said: who says there's no maggic in the muggle world?u jus need an open mind to see....thru the looking glass...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

WHY DOES MONALISA SMILE?

“Hey did u read ‘The Da Vinci Code?” Perfectly harmless question. Or so I thought. But these seemingly innocent words started such a huge debate that left me wondering what went wrong! This New York Times bestseller by Dan Brown has been creating ripples ever since it the stands in 2003.
The book has rekindled a debate that has been under covers for a long time. Every person who has read has a strong opinion about it- either wondering about the alternative to conventional faith that the book provides, or passionately protecting the conventional view about things. In fact, the books even elicited extreme reactions from as far as Kerala, where a customs investigations sleuth (no less!), undertook a six month long investigation to refute Brown’s contentions (full story in The Week, Sept.19,2004 issue). To quote Mr. Francis Kodankandath, who has given quite a strong case, “I found it appalling that he (Brown) had manipulated a great work like the Last Supper to drive home his contentions. Though one is entitled to have independent views on Christianity, it should not be at the cost of historical objectivity and artistic greatness of a monumental work”.
Fair words sir, but I wonder how you define ‘historical objectivity’. Brown uses facts embedded in historical works like the Mona Lisa, The Last Supper etc., to draw his conclusion. Kodankandath interprets the same facts to reach a different one. So whom do we deem right?

One of the biggest flaws in our understanding is our failure to distinguish between facts and myths. And history, as we know it, is a fine balancing act between the two, so much so that it is difficult to say where facts end and myths begin. And this distance between facts and myth, is faith. One’s faith is not just the understanding of the known, but the acceptance, and a trust in the Unknown. Most of us don’t question our beliefs, what our religion preaches. Today if you ask an average Jack on the street why he goes to church or temple or performs any kind of religious ritual, the answer would most probably be ‘I’ve been doing it all my life, and my parents before me’. Religion, for most has become tradition, a legacy that we get from our fathers and forefathers. And when somebody suggests an alternative to this convention, we panic, and the immediate defense is denial.
Probably why the Da Vinci Code is so hard to digest is because it would mean questioning everything that we’ve ever known. But then what we need to ask is that whether the possibility that Jesus was mortal, make his teachings any less poignant or profound or for that matter true? To this a friend replied, “My faith is like a circle. One link breaks, the whole circle breaks.” Agreed that it is so- search for God is the search for meaning, for truth. It begins within you and that’s precisely where it ends too. But why assume your circle is complete? The world is not so small that you can know all that’s there is to know in one lifetime. So many secrets hidden in this creation that it just is humanely impossible to know them all.
The search of god begins with belief and ends in faith. Belief is what u start with, your base. You question it, fight it, and find reasons for it. When you’ve found your reasons, that’s faith. And that, is when life comes full circle. The problem is that most of us don’t seek truth; we just assume we have it. But for those who do seek it, it’s the journey, more than then destination that counts.
Like’s a Rubik’s cube- at first glance, it may seem like a random collection of moments. But when each piece falls in its rightful place, then the pattern emerges…definite and meaningful. And till we find it, faith, god- is a feeling, the inspiration, which in this world of chaos and confusion, keeps us going.
As for what da Vinci meant when he painted those 13 cups, we can guess but we’ll never know for sure. I guess that’s one secret, like many others that died with him- maybe he that was his private joke…his way of mocking at the world. Maybe that’s why, Mona Lisa is smiling.

lost

that last post was an article i wrote for our coll mag bout a year ago. for some reason i like it more than most of my other ones. maybe coz the topic is kinda close to my heart. ve never believed in religion...or the current versions of it...much to the dissappointment of my parents. but then, thats not the only area where i dissappointed them so..well, lets not talk that.
it's weird right? we re, as a species, such confused entities. our whole happy existance is a bunch of theories. we really are not too sure where we came from...but yes it has to be with a big bang. we as humans dont really believe in a quiet start, do we? n then theory of evolution...blah. but then, they are just that...theories, possibilities, or probabilities. nothing concrete. heck we dont even know if we actaually exist!(wats with quantum physics, n some particle theory, n other big compliacted words that i dont understand)
i find all this pride in the scientific advancement that we re supposed to have made a wee bit pretensious. what have we found really? where are we headed?science is a tricky affair. the more we discover, the more remains hidden. it inspires, it holds us in awe. n it makes us realise, waht a bunch of insignificant dunces we are really.
but its fun being dunces, dont u think. being like this lost kid, in this HUGE magical jungle, where there are no straight roads...only mazes. we'll never know what lies benyond the turning...untill we get there. n thats the beauty of existance. thats what we live.
dunno, was feeling confused. so thought will put it down...now i'm even more lost.
ms. knw it all said: dont fasten ur seatbelts. its more fun if u fall...free fall.

Monday, November 21, 2005

the much underrated loo

This was one idea that came up a couple of days ago wen i logged on to post something. well had a lot of thing running thru my head which i wanted to put down in paper(well not paper, watever is the equivalent of that in cyber space). but wen i actually got down to it, nothing really came out. then a A, in one of her brighter momments suggested writing bout how thoughts flow nice n easy in some places, when they jst become a clogged mixture of murky garbage, in others. hmmm...so a asked myself, where is that one place where my messed up mind is Swarosky clear? n before i could even finish my question the answer hit me n i decided to dedicate my next place to that sacred space (!).
so here it is...
ODE TO THE...LOO!!!
Archemedies(wonder if that's really hw the dude spells his name...newayz he's been happy n dead for quite a bit nw so i guess i can effectively rule out the risk of getting sued! ;)) hit upon his most insightful insight wen he was lying, stark naked in his lovely bathtub. he was so overjoyed by this discovery that he had no time to remember more mundane things like cloths n stuff, as he ran through the beautiful streets of ancient Greece(or was it Rome??Lord i NEED to brush uo my history...or is it science??watever...gk man!!!but i do think it was greece), shouting "Eureka!Eureka!"all the while being happily naked! the then citizens of Greece (Rome?) musta thought that watever was it that Sir Archemedies eurekaed, it most definitely was not his cloths. but not to go off track, ever wondered it were possible, that there actually could be a reason for him hitting on the mighty insight wen he was exactly where he was...ie. the bathroom?
now if u're done laughing at the idea, take a minute to think, where u hit on ur brightest ideas?(that's, of course, assuming that, u do hit upon brigt ideas). think think. i'm sure now that smirk on ur face is swalpa fading.
i asked this question to a bunch of my friends. couple of them gave quite vague answers like, 'no place in particular' n 'i dont think'. one soul even went as far as his house down in kerala, among the paddy fields, under some mango tree or some. but most responses were, 'in the shower', 'the bathroom' or 'on top of u-can-guess-what' (for the dunces who didnt get it, it begins with a p n ends with a y, n has one 0 n 2 ts in between).
i, for one, can admit without a mearest trace of doubt that most of my AHA experiences (nw if u dont knw wat an AHA experience is, refer to 'Understanding Psychology', edition 4, chapter 8, page 268), either wen i was in the shower or wen i'm attending one of nature's early morning calls.
so is it all a mear coincidence that all our flash bulb moments happen in the hidden walls of the bathroom or did God actually give us that place to explore n exercise much more that our bowels n our vocal chords(for singing i mean)? maybe the reason lies in the fact that the loo is the only place, in the whole grand world, where u go completely n truely alone.i mean u sure do not want someone staring at u while u go about the merry business of emptying ur system.the showerl...er...well there maybe people who wouldnt mind company, but thats a COMPLETELY diffrent story altogether, so we shalt jst ignore tat tiny hitch for now. so, wat u get it is TOTAL n uninterupted privacy, so that ur toughts can flow daintly as a river. unless u've an irritatin sibling or a roomie whose digestive clock works in perfect tandom with urs, in which case u've loud bangs on the door accompanied by rude n unflattering threats.
n its also the only time wen u're stripped bare of all ur masks that come with the business of living, the only time wen u dont ve to act all proper proper n dignified n grown-uppish. the only time u can be jst YOU.n no one's gonna hold it against u. or judge u.
so is it a big wonder,that u can reason clearly, understand things that u never considered before, wen u re stripped bare (quite literally!) of the layers of pretensions of everyday life?maybe the warmth of a shower, that cleases u off the dirt n muck, clears ur mind too off the clutter, n takes with it all the stress n fatigue down the drain, leaving ur grey cells refreshed.
so next time it feels all confused n muddled up in ur upper storey , just go take that shower!
ms.know it all said: nature's calling!where re u???
cheers!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

God save!

Phew!been long since i posted...yeah like i've been posting everyday otherwise! but still ve been off the virtual world for quite a bit...real one was enough to handle.
jst back after a trip home...as always there's loads to rethink. most people go home to take a break n feel gud n pampered. well, i'm not any different. but then, life always gets the better of me.
for some reason, not yet disclosed, something always happens that will a)mess up my already messed up mind, b) get me brooding, c) all of the above.
this time around we(we being me, my ma, n cha(thats my dad)) went to this temple that apparently opens only once a year.talk bout timing, of the 365 days it had, they HAD to open it wen i was there!ok i've nothing against temples per se, apart from the fact that i dont believe in them, but that's another long story, another post!
so neways, not to get off the topic, ma, being the good zealous temple goer that she is, absolutely insisted that we go...obviously it was extremely fortunate that a temple that opens only once a year, is actually opne nw wen i'm at home for hols, thats some good turn of luck or divine blessing that cannot quite simply be ignored.so we went.
n guess what?it was the last day the place remained open (apparently wen i does open it remains so for some amt of days so that ALL the gud god fearing ppl can catch a darshan), n so there was a huge crowd waiting. ok i said earlier that i do not believe in temples. i believe even less in waiting for looong hours, n letting all n sundry, stamp,kick, push n pull u limb for limb, all for a glimpse of an idol that they believe (n i dont) is god. but then, that is not really the kinda point of view that my ma finds worth encouraging, so there!proceed we did.
n turns out, we didnt really ve to wait in the loong line. nope sir. here things work differently. now my dad happens to the head of office in the place. n his subordinate was with us. now the police guys at the gate recognise him. n those who didnt, his sub jst throws a bit of the IB card round, n we re ushered straight into the temple.n not jst into the temple, but right into the insides...the "nada" or the inner chamber, if u will, were the celebrated idols are piously kept. now there re 3 such doors that u need to pass b4 u get to the real thing. first we were sent to the outter circle...were before us, a gud number of the big wheels had gathered...the local mla or someone(he sure was not hard to miss in white n white, his face looking as though he expected a camera to be pulled out of somewhere any momment, so he was constantly striking a pose), some other sidekicks od his, so major dudes with their thick gold chains, n thinker bracelets gleaming...looks like the richy riches of the place, n of course the temple office bearers, old n withering, some ladies(probably the wifes n sisters of the above mentioned), some wailing kids, n so on. at regular intervels, some of them would walk in to the inside chambers, the others trying to edge in, then walk out, the others still try to edge in. made me quite sick...this power play. more sick to think that i was also among them. the sick greasy smiles, the fake put on show that it was, the display of so called "devotion". 2 miserabel hours later, we were ushered further in...to the next, n then anothe half an hour later, the inner chamber was opened...for the public so see the gods, goddesses rather. n who were the first in line...the chosen few of course, who had the clout. n the once who had none, stood in the lines, pushing n pulling, to wait impatiently for their turn.
made me think...watever happened to "all are equal in front of god" theory?apparently that divine rule is applicable only in the higher divine territory. down here on ug old earth, u still ve the classes set, places fixed. caste system's sure has been abolished, but nw we ve given rise to a whole new set of priviledged class. maybe yesterday's oppressed re today's empowered, but some still re stuck nowhere.
i wondered, if i felt so suffocated during the couple of hours i was in there, how will the gods feel, who ve to put up with this on a regular basis???the smoke, the sounds, the sickening smiles, the pleas of the devoted n the despairing. oh lord! maybe thats wat makes them divine . or maybe thats y they limited it to once a year rather than 24/7.
u know, once one of my best friends, in one of her more sober, i-need-to-think-about-the-higher-purposes-of-life moods wondered, if god was a man or a woman (she went ahead to write some few thousand words advocating both sides i believe). i think god's gender leanings are beyond the point. man or woman. he(or she) has got to ve a damn neat sense of humour! n he...or she, must be really really crazy when he/she made man/woman(i mean i cant really be sure who came first...bible i believed, wasnt exactly faxed from heaven!)

me???really????

HASH(0x8bb0e90)
Your Hidden Power Is Wind
this was an online quiz thingy i took...the site i came to knw bout from another blog. this is supposed to be my test results, description if u will. the pic sure is a highly ambitious representaion as far as my looks go, but ha!who cares! the quote took my breath away!y???(thats a personal secret that u dont need to know!!!!) :D

You have a twisted soul. You change your
directions and mind easily. Your beauty is you
over powering feature. But many enemies are
surprised by your beauty and your great power
to control wind

Gem Stone: Amethist, Eye
Color:
Grey Blue,Hair Color:Grey that
goes to your shoulder Blades

Quote:And if the cloud bursts, thunder
in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different
tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.


What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, October 07, 2005

i'm just fuming rite now!i just checked my mail n i've this mail from some guy who says he found my inbox open wen he tried to sigh in into yahoo.he found some "beautiful messages" in it apparently so he took the liberty of forwarding them to himself! n then he has the audacity to say that i should be extremely careful while signing out, because otherwise it fall in the wrong hands! the nerve of the jerk! ok, he found my inbox open, he could ve jst signed out cldnt he? i mean how difficult is to click that tiny link man? but no, he has to go through all my mails! n then send me a mail saying i should be careful! ok i admire his honesty atleast, but i'm fiearcly protective of what i call my private space, n my mails, my letters, n my journal top that. the fact that some creep actually had the access to some of my most personal communications, just sends shivers down my spine. i'm usually extremely cautious while signing off, but dunno how the slip happened.
it makes me wonder...there are so many things that one just takes for granted in life, right? i mean, u assume that because u work n think in a certain way others would too. because u think another person's personal space is sacred, n something to be respected, u'd think that the world ll do the same too. but the fact is that, well this world is filled with as many sickos as with decent people. i'm not attributing that this guy is a sicko...well he didnt misuse my id (well i sure as hell hope he didnt!!!!) , but he's definitely for whom matters like privacy, n individuality, mean zilch. he did what he did with a carelss disregard for me as a person. n that infuriates me. sure i'm an unknown face for him, but that doesn't make me any less a person. n that doesnt giv him the right to invade my privacy.

privacy???

i'm just fuming rite now!i just checked my mail n i've this mail from some guy who says he found my inbox open wen he tried to sigh in into yahoo.he found some "beautiful messages" in it apparently so he took the liberty of forwarding them to himself! n then he has the audacity to say that i should be extremely careful while signing out, because otherwise it fall in the wrong hands! the nerve of the jerk! ok, he found my inbox open, he could ve jst signed out cldnt he? i mean how difficult is to click that tiny link man? but no, he has to go through all my mails! n then send me a mail saying i should be careful! ok i admire his honesty atleast, but i'm fiearcly protective of what i call my private space, n my mails, my letters, n my journal top that. the fact that some creep actually had the access to some of my most personal communications, just sends shivers down my spine. i'm usually extremely cautious while signing off, but dunno how the slip happened.
it makes me wonder...there are so many things that one just takes for granted in life, right? i mean, u assume that because u work n think in a certain way others would too. because u think another person's personal space is sacred, n something to be respected, u'd think that the world ll do the same too. but the fact is that, well this world is filled with as many sickos as with decent people. i'm not attributing that this guy is a sicko...well he didnt misuse my id (well i sure as hell hope he didnt!!!!) , but he's definitely for whom matters like privacy, n individuality, mean zilch. he did what he did with a carelss disregard for me as a person. n that infuriates me. sure i'm an unknown face for him, but that doesn't make me any less a person. n that doesnt giv him the right to invade my privacy.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

mua

i thought i's start with me.i'm...well...confused!clueless more precisely!there was a time,not so long ago when i thought that i knew who i'm. and then life took over! life, for some inexplicable reason decided that enough was enough, n i, this teeny tiny(well, not SO tiny perhaps!) being in this big bad world, should not be allowed to have such huge misconceptions about myself. so it (i'll settle for 3rd person, coz i'm not sure if life's gal or a guy) made my "higher mental processes" in motion...that's just a fancy way of saying that i started pondering over things (well my dear close friends call it "brooding over nonsense" n "thinking too much" n other such less flattering names, but lets not get into that now). and THEN i realised that there is a hell lot that i dont know bout myself. i thought i was a pretty mature person, but then why do my feelings seem so trivial and kiddish at times? i thought i was strong, but then how come i get so easily hurt at times? how can i be friends who, are not only totally different from me, but are opposits to each other too?how can i hate mush in real life, but still enjoy romantic comedies?hell i didnt even know what my fav colour was!(ahem...i still can't make up my mind on that!!!)...since then i've been always trying to figure me out...well without much success, fortunately or unfortunately!
anyways, it's been kinda fun being me though! have had a pretty decent life so far...so i can tell u the basics. was born to malayalee parents, which makes me a keralite...n for a good nine years of my life i was in gud ol' kerala. but in 4 diff cities though. my dad has a transferable job, so every three years we all(that's me, my dad, my ma, n a bro) pack our bags n hopp to the next place that becokns. this kind of a gypsy's life suits me. we got to see, n learn a lot of things that people who are permanently rooted in a place miss out on...diffrent people, different cultures, n blah like that. but cant say it come without a price...i've no sense of stability in life, in the sense, there is no place that i call home, coz that has always changed, before i could make any permanent affections. home's just where my folks are, n that's gud enough for me actually.
well, schools...went to KVs mostly, then a brief 2 years in a public school in delhi, n nw in college, doing what i wanted to do since i was 8 years old...journalism.n here again is the catch. i fought with my whole clan, who like all gud mallus believe that engineering n medicine are the only decent profession for any kid to take up, to get into journalism. n now, after 2 n a half years, i'm not sure! can u beat that?well, i knw for sure that i wanna be a part for this huge world of media, but am i ready to take on the cynnicism that is part an parcel, n these days the main component of journalism?dunno...well i've another 6 months to decide.n well, there is still hope!
that, think is enough bout me in a post.even i cant take too much of me so there!cheers to life(u see, beyond the confusion n crap, i still love IT!;)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

me myself n my weird reasons

i always tot blogging was something that people do wen they either ve something to say or nothing to do. well!dunno which reason xactly i'd attribute to myself.
anyways, i'm not a person who has to ve reaons for eveything in life so i'm not too bothered bout that.
guess everyone wants their space under the sun, n i'm just unsure bout what my territory is xactly. so for now, this is it! this is MY space. n I decide here. period.