Thursday, February 23, 2006

Scrap n scroll

Its was almost the end of coll, n scrap books had already started doing rounds, as early as a month ago. I'd convinced myself that, I didn't believe in those. If u need me to write in your scrap book to remember me, then you needn't remember me at all I said. I even refused to write for a coupla guys. Then when everyone kept asking, n some pretended to take offence, I gave up. Strated religiously singing all the scrap books that came my way.

But what can u possibly write for people whom u really don't know? I hate the idea of niceties..."it was great knowing u"," have a brilliant life", "don't forget me", "will miss u", blah blah blah. Never saw the point of it, when u don't mean it. N if u really do, then u dont need to say it.

So initially I wrote an honest sentence...that I really don't know what to write! But then, after writing endless scraps, I still didn't wanna get one of my own, wen Danny came up with this idea. She wanted to jus cut chart paper or some, into bits, n give it to everyone to write, n the bind it or some. It struck a cord in my heart. To add a bit of originality, AND to avoind trouble with copyright violation, I decided to improve upon the idea. Got a bunch of different coloured activity paper (Landmark zindabad), cut them by half, made a box outta an old file...n viola! I had my very own scrap box.

Next day I just handed it out for people to write, as n when they find time. N they stuff they wrote really really caught me by surprise. There were so many who remembered stuff about me, that I myself had long forgotten. I usually pride nyself on remember little things about people, but didn't realise that so many others who did the same about me too :)

And, yes, it was wonerfully funny to read thru it Nandini saying that she remembers me yelling at her in first year while we were working together for an assignment(ooops!!!), but adding that its ok, coz she "probably deserved it", n neways we got an A in that assignment, so cool!! N this from a gal whom everyone in the class complains that she doesnt be with us much.
Or Janani saying that I was one of her 1st roommates (yeah...for like, 3 days in hostel!)...I don't even know when was the last time I actually spoke to her. Or people saying they appreciate me sholdering responsibility in class. Or that I've a cute smile (grin!grin!). Or that I'm actually helpful AND patient (who, me????really???).

So many tiny li'l things...that I'd never realised. Sure there were people, who did actually write things like "miss u, remember me!" blah, but SO MANY who did not. Felt good. REAL good.
Thanks U guys! Over 3 years, we've had our fights, and our differences of opinion, and our li'l skirmishes. But, at the end of those 3 years, these bits of memories remain. Like bits of scrap on the big scrap box of my mind. To the class of 3rd year JPEng....U ROCK!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Gravity is a Sad Excuse.

Wanted to write...nothing coming outta my head. What ever is flowing, I'm just erasing it after finishing one para...

Dont wanna crib anymore! So wont!

I'm getting in my 'i wanna do a free fall' mode again. Gosh I need to go bungee jumping.

The class sweat shirts after a lot of melodrama, and even more crap, is finally getting done. For all the blah that guys gimme about gals never being able to do anything on time, n anything efficiently, it took a gal to intervene n stop their ego fights from ruining the whole point of a class sweat shirt. Boy! Does the caption seem appropriate or what now? "Don't give us more options, we re already confused" What could be more approprite to the bunch of "holistically perturbed journalists" that we re.

We re left with 3 days of classes. The university took the exam fees, but they still have not woken up to realise that they also need to give us a time table.

Graduation Day looms ahead.

Ma and Cha are here. But they wont be able to come see me graduate.

I have sk the letter he's given me long back (not that long back really, but it does seem long now). Dont ask me why. I don't know. I really dont.

I have not had a real face to face conversation with my best friend since I dont know how long. She's been busy. I, as usual didn't try too hard.I always thought that no matter how much ever we fight, there's nothing that cannot be fixed over cafe frappe'. But this time around when I asked, she had already made plans with someone else. We can always so it some other time rite? Sure. Wonder whether to fight for attention or fight oblivion. Evanesence never made more sense.

My childhood friend is down with chicken pox. Just a day before she was supposed to go to Hydrabad to join Satyam.

And still, my eternal optimistic alter refuses to die a slow death.

Went for my walk in morning as usual. Switched on my radio, n the first song they play is "chukar mere mann ko..." My all time favourite song. God bless radio city.

Then they play "jeene ke ishare mil gaye..." Providence saying,"Get a grip woman, its not like u have to put up with a life without ice cream!"

I know. Those who take life as a rollercoaster need to take down with the up. N yes, down' s faster, but then it also means its takes less time to be done n over with.

Chicken pox is curable. After some 5 years, people wont remember the fight. But they will still have the sweat shirt tucked in some corner of their wardrobe. Coffee Day is still standing strong. I just need to put my foot offer to pay the bill ;). Sk will always remain one on the good friends I had. Past cannot change. N it's not like I'm gonna start studying the day the time table is out. And finally Graduation means I get to show off, and college gives us free food...for once!

U know what? Life's not such a bitch afterall. U just need to change the colour of ur glasses once a while. Get a different coloured view.

Ms. Know-It-All said: "There are no problems in life that cannot be solved with a couple of well placed explosives" Anyone seen my box of RDX?????

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk aloneI
walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone!
Just about sums it up for me rite nw. Its amazing how someone else's words fit in ur mouth at times huh? AAAAARRGH! I'm tired of this lousy sob story! I'm tired of cribbing n complaining! I need to run away!!!!!!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Hitchhiker's Guide to Life

Why? Why? WHY????
It's the bloody end of year! End of my last year in college. The it might as well be the end of life, comfortable n relatively carefree, as I know it.

I say relatively, because it really is not all that carefree. Is it ever? I think we human beings, as a race are literally born with cares. They just differ in degree as we move on.
When u're just born, perhaps your greatest worry would be if that big thing that keeps lifting u up n pampering u, wen u re feeling cranky, will someday just get fed up with ur grouchyness n call it quits. U'd probably wonder how u can just ve such limited means of putting ur problems accross...I mean, u pee, u wail, u want food, u wail, u r too hot, u wail, u r too cold, u wail, u wanna die and all u an do is still wail. Bloody u can't even turn on ur stupid back, where the hell are u gonna do anthing else???

Then u learn to talk...then ur biggest worry would be wen to stop...u suddenly have so many darn things to say, so many zillion things to ask, u start to wonder if u should even take time to breath of a sec, in case u wont be able to ask all what u wanna in this small lifetime.

Then u learn to I think most of us just learn to run direct.Then suddenly, the world looks so much bigger.U discover corners of the universe that u'd never imagined possible. Run, run, Forrest Gump (is that how u spell his name?).Just keep on moving.

Till we run ourselves to the gates of school...from then on, its running backwards, or running away...
In primary school, u r all happy. Boy! There are so many fascinating things in the world. But the first doubts creep in.Will u ever be as smart as ur pretty teacher? (gosh! she knows so much!). Will u be left with that ugly looking kid at recess? Will u be left with the last black crayon??? Will u be ever as cool as ur bro/sis is high school?

Then u actually huff n puff ur way to high school...n bingo! Suddenly, high school is a lot less cooler, now that u've got there. There's that definite class bully to make ur existance miserabe (as if pimples n puberty were not enough already). Then there's that cute chick/guy, who just refuses to acknowledge ur presence. Maybe the blame's not all his/hers. If only u didn't act like a spastic who's gonna choke on gum, everytime u wanna so much as say howdy. Then of course, a whole battalion of teachers who expect u to be a mathamatical genius, on the verge of a major invention that will change the way science thinks, who also plays basketball n goes cross country jogs in her sparetime, all the while quoting Shakrspear n Shelley.

Then the boards. Ok now ur parents, ur teachers n the entire humanity unanimously decide, that u deserve NO social life(not that any page 3 regular wld ve felt threatened by ur exciting social life), NO excitement (spare one odd test in one odd term that u may actually pass), n of course absolutely NO TV (there goes the one thing that didnt cringe wen u came in front of it...ur only escape from the morose reality that is ur life). So you finally manage to push n pull n drag urself through those too. Then the big choice...Science or Commerce??? Unless u re that dumb that u can take nothing but miserable Arts (horror!horror!)
So u take compromise n take commerce. Scrape through the next 2 years of endless accounts n mismatched balance sheets, n failed economic policies. On the last day of ur 12th boards, ur sense of joy's probably marred only by ur extreme fear of being rejected by all the colleges that u applied to.

Surprise! Surprise! Some college finally does agree to lower its standards to ur level. Then the three years...three wonderful uniforms, no rules. The ones that are there, are meant to be broken. Friends...who for once dont really care if u r not the coolest one(probably coz they kw they re not either!) Life spent in the cafeteria, canteen, everywhere but class. But at the end of those years, u'll have figured out more than the rest of ur life put together.

That, comes to an end now. What is left, is an empty road...the one that I need to walk alone. Friends, teachers, parents...will only protect me this far. So what I need to know is, did it have to end like this? Did my friends have to become strangers?