Saturday, December 16, 2006
Your folks wanted to you to be like every other kid- smart, rich, happy. So you decided to be a rebel, but where is your cause? Your friends wanted you to be more understanding, so you pretended to understand. But what do you want to be? What are you? Is there even a real you? And if there is, then why doesn't this real you ever raise her voice in protest?
You never felt anything. You never hated anyone, never loved anyone. You so desperately wanted to, so you convince yourself it is because you are unique. You can't be what others are. You have different priorities. And no one understands that.
You pretend to be smart. You pretent to be strong. Arrogant. Ambitious, no-nonsense woman.
And in your heart you know you are that 12 year old who used to close the door, play the music loud, and then sit and cry. Just because you thought if someone saw your tears, they would know how stupid and weak you really are.
Some skeletons have this habbit of popping up in your mind when just when you had completely forgotten about them.
No people, I am not depressed. This is, afterall, just another cheap trick to grab attention.
May be I should take Lash's advice. And get me a coffin. Cheers!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
And I have always thought that we have a team made for the population. It’s equally unpredictable. And just as crazy. It loses matches that seem like a breeze. And when the whole world has said the last word, the Men in Blue go down under and pull out a miracle.
But honestly, this time I think we have broken all boundaries. Both the team in dismally sad performance, and the rest of the country in over reacting. What right do some nutty party non-workers to go deface a player’s house? Smear it with cow dung? A follow up a few days later said that the family was considering moving out of UP because it had become difficult for them to live in such psychotically hostile surroundings. If I remember right, some hooligans has previously thrown stones at the house in a previous incident. I can understand their decision to move, what I don’t understand is why.
It is about time we act a little more grown-uppish about the game. Okay, it is not just a game, it is a religion. But no one says religion has to always involve violent knee-jerk reactions, and harm to people and property. Or is it that religious riots and violence in the name of Gods, and now demi- gods, has become the part of the Indian way of life?
First thing to do, would be to actually chuck that precious coach of ours. I don’t really care to analyze his coaching or cricketing abilities. He just can’t seem to know how to conduct himself in public, and honestly, he is made more news for his controversial comments and nit-pickings- first with the then-caption, and now with the MPs, than he has ever done for the team’s performance under him. We don’t need a coach to teach our players how to play cricket, they are good at it on their own. We need a coach to bring the players together to perform as a team, and perform well. And this, Mr. Chappell has sorely, dismally, failed to do. He is appointed to do a job in a country that is not his own, he could begin with having some respect for that country. And not play the smart ass there, and always pass the buck to someone else all the time. I don’t remember one incident, where Chappy has come forward to take responsibility, and said, “the team didn’t perform well, it was a joint responsibility, we are sorry”. Instead, he is full of complaints, for the team, for the captain, for the MPs and for the board. WTF?!!!
And now, dear darling Members of the mighty Indian Parliament, are you really so starved for attention? Why is that you are so hell bent on losing what ever little respect that we have for you? Ooh ooh! A defense scandal! The defense minister has to step down! Ooh! Ooh! A communal riot! The CM should step down! Ooh! Ooh!
And to my fellow media guys, people! Why do have to work so hard to make our MPs look like a bunch of bumbling fools? Stop trying to reinvent the wheel, and start publishing on some real news. If you don’t stop hounding the minister to get sound bites, and stupid remarks, you probably miss Ash and Aby’s baby lighting a diya together, Ganga kinaare, after they fought about Ash- Hritik kiss being 2 secs too long. After all that is breaking news we all are holding our breath for.
And to the Men In Blue, COME ON guys!!!!
Miss Know-It All said: The blue billion rises. The so do the Men- in- Blues! It’s all just fizz. Sab moh maya hai!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
AND, then what do you do, when someone you thought was gone off into the mist of yesterday, suddenly comes out of the fog, and asks you the most incredible question of your life?
AND then, what do you do, when you are still confused, and you STILL don't like it???
AND, then what do you do when your editor finds out you have not really been working?!
SIGH!! Decisions! Decisions!!
"Bad gal, bad gal, Wattaya gonna do?
Wattaya gonna do, when they come for you!?"
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Monday morning, and I am already cheesed off. What a great way to start your week.
As with every Monday morning, I wake up late. My body refuses to move out of the cosy bed, and my brain, refuses to do anything to help, it doesn’t even register a small protest. In fact, it actively collaborates with my brain saying, “Ah my pretty, you can rest a while more, let moontalk be screwed. Now when my mind, and my body gang up against the poor old me, what do I do than give up?
Which means, as with every Monday morning, I take a rick instead of a bus. What better way to begin a week than to over-spend? (Shit I need to manage my money better)
I reach the happy place that is my office, today this big exclusive is supposed to go live. I read through the story, and there’s this tiny line inserted which I didn’t find when I last saved the story on Friday eve, no night, because it was 9.15 p.m when I left. Speaking to our ed-in-chief, Mr. X, of the company Y, said…” Now let me give you some background information on this. I did the research. I made the friggin questionnaire, I wrote the goddamn story. Yes, the chief-in-ed, did speak to him. Asked him all the questions that I bloody gave to him. And his happy name comes in print. Usually we have a no by-line policy with most of the stuff that we write. And I am cool with that. So the story as I wrote read, “When Mr.X, of company Y, spoke to the us….”. But now that’s changed. Technically, it’s true. If u call up our dear X, he’d probably testify. But why is a little voice in my head saying, “@&*$ them?”
I take a dekho at the colophon for the next issue of the mag, and guess who the new Assistant Editor is? Yep, yours truly. Ah well! So I get a name, and a promotion, what if it’s just on paper, and doesn’t really mean anything. One should appreciate the small mercies in life, right?
We went and saw The Departed on Saturday. After a loooooong time, a movie made me go “WOW”. And that’s all I will say!
P.S: I also saw, The Shawshank Redemption on Friday (yeah, yeah, yeah, believe it. I had NOT seen the movie till now. Shame, I know). Another really “WOW” movie. (Now I still stand by what I said about The Departed, because The Shawshank Redemption released way back, it’s my fault that I never saw it, right?) Its feel good, without being sloppy or mushy, or romantic (now we don’t have too many of those around do we?). It leaves you with a warm happy feeling in your tummy, and makes you feel like there is hope for this world yet. Maybe I should watch it again today. Hmmmmm….
* * * *
Time: Evening- 7ish
Random scene on Brigade Road:
Two ‘dudes’ standing on the side-walk in front of Mota Arcade(think that’s what it is called). One of the flower kids trying the best of his salesman skills. (There is this bunch of very enterprising street kids who haunt Brigade-MG road stretch, selling flowers. I say haunt, because they are every guy’s nightmare- here they are trying to pataofy this gal they have been trying to pataofy for the last 3 weeks, and here comes the kid, “Bhaiya phool le lo na bahiya, didi ke liye le lo, dekho usse chahiye, aapko leke dena chahiye…” and so on, till the guy is the most glorious colour of pink and the gal can’t stop giggling. There goes all the romantic, but oh-so-smart lines he had rehearsed with his friends. Anyways, I digress). So the overheard part of the conversation:
Dude* in a very desolated voice, with full emotion on face *: Arrey, aap mujhe ye bataiye, mein doon kisko???(You tell me, whom do I give it to???)
AAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
(I really did laugh out loud, and that guy went the brightesht shade of pink, anyway!)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
sneha is open from 8 (er...no commens)
sneha is a voluntary organisation that values human life and feelings
sneha is bitch (shit!you are NOT supposed to say that in public!Damn Google!)
sneha is the great actor (yep, they offered me the Oscar this year. But I said, no!)
sneha is an organization for women of south asian origin and their families (ummm....)
sneha is continuing to fundraise and network within the community( I need money people!!!)
sneha is distrusted by (ah well! The list won't fit in here)
sneha is really cute in this role (as always baby!)
sneha is located at 1214 apollo way (now you know my name, AND my address)
sneha is concentrating among the slum dwellers of khurbura (I such goodness)
sneha is his daughter (My daddy, strongest)
sneha is sure to bag one ( Uh huh!)
sneha is the hottest name (so it really is not the weather)
sneha is wasted and has little to do (yeah, they banned gmail and orkut in office, you see!)
sneha is a registered charity with igive (josh, I am SUCH goodness)
sneha is consistantly represented at the new york metro reptile expo (yep I'm a hit with the kids too)
sneha is going to work with vijay (he kept begging me man! What to do?)
sneha is ready (as alwyas)
sneha is a hindi word meaning 'love' or 'affection' (there's something you didn't know)
sneha is miffed with vikram (oh he's such an irritating prick man!!)
sneha is already married to anand (we are getting a divorce, don't worry)
sneha is simply superb in her looks and acting (blush, blush)
sneha is intrinsically a money (who never has any)
sneha is deeply in love with mr (your guess is as good as mine! Sign!)
sneha is the daughter of the landlord ( ha!I'm rich!)
sneha is their pride (gosh!)
sneha is extremely cute and equally impressive with her acting (gosh people, shy coming, shy coming)
sneha is very pretty and preetha fares well (yeah she's passable too)
sneha is a physician who is doing her residency in internal medicine at st (I am beauty AND brains, yeah baby, I rock!)
sneha is able to bag more and more decent characters (there are so hard to get man)
sneha is now helping to set up the first survivor support groups in india (didn't I tell you I was goodness?)
sneha is the project coordinator of the u (sorry that's classified information)
sneha is working (or trying to)
sneha is missing (since 1999)
sneha is cast as the heroine opposite prashanth (ummmm....things you gotta do to make a living)
sneha is a brilliant researcher and clinician originally hailing from mysore (Intelligence, see?)
sneha is spending the year working with kids as part of an americorps program called city year
sneha is in hospital following a car accident on her way to tirupathi (yeah I'm critical. Dunno if I'll survive.)
sneha is beautiful but has to go a long way before she can be recognized as a good actress (oh yeah??YOU do it then!)
sneha is ugly is so stupid
sneha is ugly and srikanth is a cutie a (yeah, I'm fat and mean too)
sneha is a beautiful south indian actress (okay, enough!)
sneha is her beautiful self but it takes some time to get used to the voice that has dubbed for her (People like the natural me)
sneha is the heart
sneha is responsible for cleaning up litter on a stretch of highway (sigh, like I said, things we do for work)
sneha is helped by her friend janaki who also hates men (The operative word being ALSO)
sneha is the only suicide
sneha is in love with abbas but her marriage is fixed with someone else against her wishes (life's a bitch ain't it)
sneha is refreshing
sneha is the hottest name in the tamil film industry (okay, this DOES it)
sneha is proving herself to be one of those actresses who can carry any role with ease
sneha is tharun's pair and preetha vijayakumar is paired with amsavardhan
sneha is a sophomore at nnhs
sneha is studying in chennai's amm school
sneha is very touched by these gestures (P.S. don't ask me where)
sneha is to provide utklesha
sneha is now under the gloom of self (now I am a depressed maniac)
sneha is enjoying herself (right now, yeah I am!)
sneha is seven months old (I am a wee li'l child)
sneha is playing opposite prashant and this is her first film
sneha is on the 2nd spot with 4
sneha is a cooperative society providing micro finance services in the rural and semi urban areas of ranga reddy district in andhra pradesh
sneha is preferred medicated (this, ladies and gentlemen is my favourite of the lot)
sneha is kept in a clean container at a place safe from cold and humidity (er...creepy)
sneha is affiliated to befrienders international (absolutely no comments)
sneha is again of two types (!)
sneha is oil (!!)
sneha is led by a team of experienced and skilled individuals
sneha is indeed in her prime now (er.......)
sneha is over ( I refuse to accept that)
sneha is vice (Yeah, I am Evil)
sneha is a sophomore here at northwestern university majoring in biology
sneha is yet to be released (er.....)
sneha is the hottest name in the tamil film (old news)
Okay people, now you know my name, my address, and everything about me. I opened my heart to you, handle with care!(God, what a cheesy line)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
So the updates, first.
I changed jobs. I realised that I was getting no where with my last one. And that when I decided to work in a place where I knew everyone, it was, actually a mistake. Sigh! Further, I also realise that as much as I enjoy event management, I HAVE to write. I can't be happy when I'm not. So!
Clarity, or some semblance of it, at last. Bottomline? I quit.
Now my boss doesn't open the door for me in the morn. Neither does he take us out drinking. And we don't discuss books and weird looking clients. But then, my work is more focused. I'm on my toes most of the time. I'm learning something COMPLETELY new. And if my work is bad, I'm told that it needs to improve. If its good, I'm told that too.
Bottomline? I'm happy that my professional life, is well, becoming professional.
There are 5 gals(including me) at work. And 8 guys. No one to drool about. One new guy joined the other day...sorta cute. You should have seen the socialising in the pantry that day. Sheesh ladies! Do we HAVE to be THAT obvious???? :D
Bottomline? In the land of blind, the one eyed man gets all the attention!
My super boss, I realised, does have a sense of humour. He's not your regular howdy-folks-how u-doing-this- morn kinda boss. But well, when I'm rushing to updates the day's features on the website at 9.30 in the night (my first regular day, I take that long to finish. The only people left in the office are me, the chief ed, n deputy ed), he thinks it important to ask me how I'm finding the work, and if I'm enjoying it.
Bottomline? If you work late, your boss warms up to you
At the end of the day, my friend asked me of I'm enjoying the new place. And without really thinking, I say I've not made up my mind. Which I think is true. It's not a bad place to work. My collegues, though not over friendly, are sweet enough to help, whenever I need it. My editors are supportive, and patient. I do enjoy the pressure to perform, the busy work hours. And having the weekends to myself. Do I miss the old place? To be honest, no. In many ways, I'm glad. But do I love the new place? To be honest, no. I like it, yes, love it, no. Is that ok? Yes.
Bottomline? I'm happy. At peace with myself.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Disclaimer: I was supposed to live upto my new found reputation as a gossip journalist, and use this space to slander Certain Someone's carefully created reputation. But well, I'm just feeling too deary to even be evil. *sigh*
Instead I thought I could theorise (is there a word like that?). Have you ever wondered what hurts the most? Saying something and wishing that you never had? Or saying nothing, and wishing that you had? Okay, profound lines. So naturally, not mine. I just found that on my boss'e desktop. But that's really not what I wanna talk bout today. It just came to me now thinking how Certain Someone just kept wishing that there was less talking involved over the last few days...*yeah...*
I read someplace looong back that it's easier for us to trust a complete stranger because they have never betrayed us. Or was it let us down? Whatever. But y? Y is that we hide so much from the people we claim to love? We are ready to share that part of our selves, which we so carefully guard from all our friends, with relative strangers. I know I've done it quite a lot.
Maybe its because, with strangers we have nothing to protect. They come from oblivion, be in our lives for a chasm of a second, and then fade away to oblivion again. In that micro minute in our lives, and theirs, there's no time to measure up or pass value judgements. There's just time for two human beings to meet. And somehow, in the safety net of that the partial annonymity (I say partial, because the net doesn't really provide, you the complete anonymity that you think it does. This I realised when a smark geek managed to find out quite a bit bout me, including where I went to school, without too much sweat...so so he says) we feel secure enough to let our guard down. We don't try to impress that nameless, faceless entity (I'm excluding people who are searching for prospective brides, sitting in "gelf", or losers looking for long distance sex). We can be what we want to be...swim-suit model, intellectual snob, struggling copywrite. We can be what we are, and not have to be made feel guilty about it. Afterall, who is a stranger to judge us?
Honestly, I find nothing wrong with it. It takes your mind of reality for a bit. Or does it actually face you to reality? If it allowes you to give it a rest with everyday acting, put that mask of being proper, and being a winner all the time, for a bit, then y not? But sometimes the lines blurr...what some strangers refuse to fade away into that blackhole. What then?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
We are all of 4 people in the office. Well, that will be were, now that one's quit.(We belive in "chota parivaar, sukhi parivaar"). Before I crash landed, it was 2 guys and a gal (no pizza place, only one small idli-dosa place, and a bakery) Now that I made my magnificent entry, its 2 guys and 2 gals. (and still no pizza place, only an occasional biscuite and Kurkure). N then CC quit, so now we are back to 2 guys and a gal.(no pizza place still)
Having just 4 people means we miss out a whole lotta "employee benefits". We get only one measly Sunday off, as long as some sucker doesn't decide that he wnats to have his company's "fun day-out" that particular day of the week. We dont not have public holidays, 8 hours workday, or a pick-up bus/cab/bike. We do not get Sodex-ho! coupons that we can sell off to our friends for money when we are broke. And no we do not get mediclaim, PF and an HR/ Corporate Communications team that sends us bright happy mails every week to tell us what an invaluable asset we are to the company. We don't even get award for getting our ass to office on time or get our photograph pasted in the bulletin board saying "The most happening Employee of the day" Heck, we dont even have a bulletin board.
Instead, we get to fight for whose gets a desk next to whom, discuss books, movies, and each other's lives. We also get to ask THE Boss to give us some money if we are broke. *Please?Please Pretty please!!* We can all go out drinking and expect THE Boss to pay. We can play Harry Potter quiz, socialize on gtalk, blog, read Crime Library and The Onion, download about 15 MB of Calvin and Hobbes and not have a Firewall pop-up n say "busted!" or get dissaproving mails from the HR talking about the importance of "optimal use of time and resourses to maximize productivity and minimise employee fatigue" or other such vague statements found in MBA and Organizational Psychology books.
So much for my work environment, now to move on to my fellow-inhabitants in the workplace. I'll shall begin at the top of the food-chain.
THE Boss. Self-explainatory. He's the unquestioned caption of the ship. The Big Wheel. The Fattest Fish in the pond. So as to speak. His biggest worry in life is that we don not treat him "boss enough". He's the one man army, the guy who literally visualises the whole works, and then gets it done too. IQ of some 140, he believes that the weird lines that pop up his phone's display screen are part of secret transmissions for the SETI. ( search for extra terrestrials international...duh!) He also believes you should never refuse an offer for samosas. Whenver he says, "I'll be back in half an hour ok? I'll meet this guy and come back" it means that you will see him only the next day. He knows like 3 quaters of the town, and 4/5ths of the town knows him. Which means that the longest his phone goes without ringing is about 5 mins and 47 seconds. 6, if happens to be early in the morning. Quite a guy!
Caramel Custard. Second in command, she is the iron lady. Was, to be sure, coz she's quit now. She's been in the company forever. So she literally knows everything that is there to know. She's the practical one, even though she randomly makes statements like "I feel like a caramel custard.I feel like this giant piece of caramel custard!" The mamma hen. And she sure looks out for her pack like one too. "THE Boss Please don't pick up our cell while riding!" "LD eat your salad da, whats wrong with you? Look how much weight you have lost" "LD Stop smoking so much!" "Moontalk, stop with the junk food. Look at this gal da, she survives on biscuits and ice cream!". Thinks I am a total kid despite of my earnest efforts to prove otherwise. Keeps thinking our clients look, and act like various animals. So far we've had frog, mouse, and bat. :D She's my mentor, and to be honest, I feel a bit lost, now that she's left. And bored. :(
The Lost Don. Third of my wonderful team mates. Slightly lost in life, he suffers from a mild case of delusional disorder. Hates my guts. The feeling, of course, is mutual.
LD: "Moontalk! Call XYZ and ask him if he's free to do a polka dance for me on the 29th. Fast!"
Moontalk: " Can't you see I'm busy discussing how the frog acted when he saw water, with caramel custard? You do it youself, it's your project!"
LD: "I'm the KING. The master of the universe. You have to listen to me"
Moontalk: "Yes Your Majesty" *rolls eyes*
Caramel Custard: "You two make such a cute couple! Kids, you are so adorable" *sniff*
And, he also thinks THE boss is his "god father" (right!), which is why I call him the Lost Don.
To be fair, he can be quite considerate when he wants to. Like the time, he quitely bought me lunch when I said I don't wanna eat (truth was I was broke, and I didn't wanna say that!). In fact he gets me lunch all the time, when I feel too lazy to walk up till our regular eating joint. So, well. He can be nice too. Comes up with the crrraziest of ideas all the time. Thinks office of profit bill is the same as out of office bill. Says, "I got fully psyched" some 56 times a day. Oh did I mention that he's a karake champ (which is why I don't really push my luck too much in arguements!) and smokes like a chimney?
Alge Eyes. Our resident sound enggineer. Technically he's not part of the team. But he's more or less always there, so it more or less, qualifies him to be an employee off rolls. He and THE boss are till- death- do- us- part buddies, much to the chargin of CC, who happens to go around with Alge Eyes(so naturally she thinks that he should be till-death-do-us part with her, and NOT THE boss :D). He and THE boss have once picked up a stop sign off the road, just like that. "That thing was so irritating da!". He's also the sweetest thing! Has eyes in some weird shade that alters between green and brown. Loves music, and everything that's gotta do with sound.
So there! That's my happy family there! Ours is an office where people can whistle at work(that's me), read Crime Library(thats CC), hide ciggeretts(wrong spelling?) in weird places(no prizes for guessing it LD), and generally be happy. All in a day's work!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Sigh! May be its the strain of turning 21 (yeah right!!). Or maybe it's just that there is so much indecision around me that I'm not quite sure what take precedence over the other. Sigh again!
Independance Day today. I woke up at 5.30 a.m, after sleeping at 2.00 in the night. Went to the station to see off a friend. Waited with 2 others, for another friend. This time, she was getting me goodies from home. Had breakfast at the railway station with 2 people I love spending time with. Got back, slept till a health 11.30 am. The got up, and rushed for work. It's 8 in the evening, and I'm still at work. I always said we were a dedicated bunch in office , didn't I? :)
This post...it took me 2 days, and 3 sittings to finish it.
But this is what I pretty much what I wanted. Hardwork. Busy schedules. Being so caught up with stuff that my stupid over-working mind doesn't get the opportunity to work me into psychosis!
So well, this is great. It's not perfect. Life never is. But this is just right. It's wonderful! :)
Current mood? Contentenment! Uneasy, but happy!
P.S. I don't think I can ever be happy if I'm not busy. Well, not that I dont like a break, I do! When it is well deserved. When I have worked for it. Like today!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
And what a week!]
I got my first pay cheque. * finally! something that I really did earn.*
I pledged my eyes. *now I can live on forever. in parts. right!*
My boss decides to quit the job she's been at, and loved for the past 4 years. For another one that pays double the money. *wow. will I have to wait that long?*
I joined a month ago, am still learning the ropes. I still am a bit lost. N now my mentor, so as to speak, quits. *how could she?*
I decided to stay on, tackle the work head on. So I've to learn faster. But it'd be more fun. *aint I such a fighter*
As I said, all in one happy week's work. Seven days. World does a turn around 7 times. *SO?*
Monday, August 07, 2006
Read this article in The Times of India the other day. About this new buses that the BMTC is planning to bring out. Check it out. These are gonna be 2 new 'prototypes'. One is gonna be exclusively for women. And its gonna be painted, yup u guessed it, in a happy shade of pink. Wonder if it'll have some fancy mirrors attached to every window that the women can use to touch up their make up too.
The other one is even better. This is gonna be this ultra progressive bus, that's gonna have a partition in the middle. The seats in the front are going to be for women, and the one in the back for men. The bus will also have 3 doors- one in the front, one in the back, and another in the middle (u'd wonder were they are gonna put the seats). Men and women are gonna enter thru the middle doors, which are of course gonna have a partition, so that there is no contact between the 2, and for exit, men use the back door and women use the front door. Pretty neatly done huh?
This is how the govt, And the BMTC react to the endless complaints by women of harrasement n molestation. I travel by these BMTC buses...every single working day. So I know what it means. In the past one month that I've started working, in an office far far away from my place, taking 2 diff buses back an forth. And quite honestly, travelling by bus is no joy ride. You gotta travel with sexually frustrated assholes who think because the bus is crowded, and there's hardly place to breath, its a happy opportunity to feel up women, grab watever part of their body they fancy and do all other kind of pathetic assholery. These Sick morons make my blood boil. The worst insult is that there little you can do about. The only revenge u get is a pathetic attempt at counter attact...I use my nails to maul their skin away. Make sure that they need shit loads of anti-septic when they get off the bus. N pray that it becomes septic. I have punched these on their stomachs, stamped their feet before as I get down. But what use are these, when you can't even see the freakkin face of the jerk?
It pisses me off. This "chaltha hai" attitude. This pawing. There's no point trying to complain to bus conductors. They will yell, create a scene outta it, then the entire bus will leer at you, and you end up wishing you had just kept your mouth shut in the first place.
But still when I read bout these proposed remedies, I was more amused than relieved. I have never considered myself a feminist. I don't think all women are "abala naaries" who need to fight for their rights. And no, I don't think all men are jerks either(they are just li'l stupid :D) . Which is why this move amused me so much.
The way I see it, it's a pretty big insult to a man's intelligence, and his ability to conduct himself. It like telling the whole mankind (and I mean only man-kind(!)) that you do not know how to behave like mature adults, so we are gonna deal with you the way we deal with pre-school children. We are gonna set the rules of conduct for you which you will not question, but will only follow like a bunch of imbeciles, incapable of rational or intelligent thought. Period.
When there was this furor with the burkha deal and Sania Mirza, there was this very sensible comment that I heard someone make. It was by Mr. John Thomas, the editor of the Vijay Times, B'lore, who was talking to us in our journalism class. He said that he objects to the imposition of the burkha on women, quite simply because it preassumes guilt on his side. "It is saying that I cannot control myself when I see a woman, and I resent that."
So the men of B'lore, the way I see it, these new buses are quite a vocal insult to your sensibilities. You can keep yourself from feeling up a woman, when you stand next to one. You require a physical barrier to keep your slimy hands to yourself, so that is just what you get.
My comment one the move? One word! Pathetic!
Friday, August 04, 2006
Caramel Custard: "Finally! I got him!"
Alge Eyes: "Sure he's dead?"
CC: "Yeah...now I'm feeling all guilty bout it. What if he's married? What if he came out to fetch lunch for his wife??? What if she's pregnant??? What if they have twins? Gulp!! I orphaned them da! How will they survive??"
ME: "Sigh! CC, they will just drink ur own blood to suvive. And when they do that, we'll just squish them too. Or maybe now that you've killed the dad, the pregnant female will just committ suicide out of sorrow and save you the trouble. Don't give it another thought. After all, who's gonna miss a mosquito???"
PS. This post was so long due. Joined work a month ago, and since then, crazy conversations keep happening. Guess my worthy crazy collegues deserve a proper introduction. Well! Next post!!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
It gets me through the night.
I aint gonna do what I don’t want to,
Im gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
From the posts that I ve been putting up, everyone seems to be thinking that I'm going through a major depression cycle.
Well, can't really say that this is the happiest time of my life, but its not sad either. In fact it's mostly good. Just that sorrow always affects yoy more than happiness does, isn't it.
Our misfortunes are more easily counted than our blessings.
I never have claimed that I was sane. Or not weird. Some kid once told me that I'm the happiest person she knows. My best friend thinks I'm quite moody. One of my teachers has told me that I should be a little less serious. Someone told me that I'm very laconic. Others think that I cannot shut up for long enough.
I'm a bundle of contradictions. There are a lot of things that I believe...things that I hold on to. And I've realised, more than once, that if I pitt all these things against eah other, most of them will just cancel each other out. That has never bothered me...the fact that I belive in contradictory ideas. And this one fact that I dont have to reason myself out, has kept me sane. Or whatever semblence of sane.
I'm not too emotional, in the sense, I'm not the one to proclaim my love from roof tops. My crushes last all of a month. They never grow into anything serious quite simply because I refuse to let them control me. If there is someone for whom I feel something for, and that other person does not reciprocate it, I'm not gonna pine away for that. Maybe that's why I never fall in love.
But I do get hurt. Pretty easy. But I get over it too. I don't let that spoil my life for more than 2 days at a strech...okay maybe a week. Again, my best friends disagrees. She says that I never let go. Okay so I dont. When ever something goes wrong, I always see a parallel. So? I can't change the past. I don't try to, just simply coz I don't want to. But I don't let the past pull me down. If a friend walks out on me, I don't feel miserable thinking what we had, and what it's become now. I can think back and appreciate, and feel happy bout what we had, while not feeling let down, angry or depressed. This, for 'you know who' and SK.
I don't regret anything in my life. NOTHING. The gud, bad, the crazy, beautiful, all are just as welcome memories, moments. I can move past anything...friends walking out of my life, me walking out of theirs, losing, winning, the whole deal. But I never let go anything that has been a part of my life. Something, someone that/who once enters my mind, stays. It, they become a part of me. Period.
When I depressed, I write stuff like this. But then I may also write stuff like this. If one post of mine funny (ok attempt at funny) the next may be depressed.
So I've a split personality. As someone said, "You got a problem, precious?"
Are we so starved for human drama? It reminded me of this short story BU put in our Eng. Lit syllabus. This story was of this one story of a kid, a gal, who's stuck in quick sand in an area struck with earthquake. And of a journalist, as he stays by her side for 3 days, waiting for the govt. to do something to save her. And then slowly watch her die...
This time it was more of a happier ending...n I'm really glad that it is. But really makes me wonder if we are so starved of suffering like this...
Any news guy would tell u that this makes excellent TV. A poor young kid, stuck in a horrific scene, battling for life n death, and all that jazz. Bumbling officials, weeping parents, the whole deal. And a nation hooked. Human interest story...the question is, which human are we talkiing bout here?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I did both today. Or perhaps, it happened long ago. I just realised it today. N I don't feel a thing.
I'm going back...to that weird sort of numbness that I had worked so hard to get out of.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things refuse to be worked out. Sometimes, you have to let go. So I did. Not because I didnt care. But because I wanted to be able to look back without having a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't want it to end with a fight. I didnt want it to end in way that I will never be able to think of him as a friend again. So I ended it...in my own terms.
I'm being selfish. But then, I always have been. I had to preserve my sanity. For what I don't know. But isn't it better to end it, rather than let it rot and die?
You stay friends with some people. No matter what they make you go through. No matter what you make them go through. N then, there are those, with whom you just cannot stay friends. No matter how much you try. No matter how much they try. Is there any point in pretending you can still be friends when you are sure you can't? It's one of those things....
When do you decide it's time to end a friendship? When you have a sneaking feeling that it never really began...or so I read somewhere, sometime back. Think it was in Reader's Digest. Really?
Woke up with an empty feeling. Should have known.
Don't bother bout this post. It's just ramblings of a schizophrenic mind
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Little waifs selling nick-knacks at traffic intersections is a very everyday sight, at lest in this mighty country of contradictions. In fact we’ve become so used to them, that they kind of have become like house elves in a Harry Potter book- always scuttling about, but never really visible.
I was at the intersection near the Forum in Koramangala that day. While waiting for the traffic from the other end to stop, I noticed this little punk across the road. He looked like spirited imp, in his rather over-sized clothes, well worn, of that murky urchin colour, that is not quite grey, not entirely brown. Now, this one was prancing happily in this side, with his sack of sellables, till he reached a waiting car. Then suddenly his happy expression changed. It became desperate, desolate picture of the poor hungry urchin on the road. The homeless, hapless orphan, forced to the streets, in an age when he should have been in school. Transformation was complete and he played his part well.
As the light turned green again, he hopped back to his elfish oblivion again, clutching the loose change in his hand, waiting for the next traffic light, next transformation.
As I watched this li’l drama I realized that what I felt for this kid was not sympathy. It was a strange kind of respect. This child, all of perhaps six, had already learnt to live, he had learnt that important lesson in life that most of us don’t, at least not until it’s too late. That this world allows the survival, only of the fittest.
He had figured that he lives in a world that not only is unfair, but is also never unfair in his favour. Had accepted that to live, he had to put on an act. So life pulled a past one on him, he just had to pull a faster one on life.
It’s funny how the world works. Most of us- the so called “privileged kids”- are expected to be good at dealing with challenges of life. That’s what we are trained for by parents, drilled at school by teachers. We are told what to expect in the “real world”, and for nearly 15-20 years, trained to face it. But still, when the fabled reality finally strikes, most of us are knocked silly.
No one warned these kids. No one trained them to face the “real world”. They were born into it. It’s the only one they know. Yet they deal with it, everyday, day after day.
These li’l elves are survivors. Brave brand of fighters whom no one applauds, no one thinks of giving award to. And they do it without whining. Because they know no alternative. They live their lives, from one stop at the intersection to another.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
So, u know that u are in Kerala again, when,
U notice that though most school don't extend their uniforms to shoes, they will however, insist that girls wear big fat ribbons on there thick coconut oiled black hair.
There will be atleast 3 strikes/bandhs/harthals every month. If everyone's having a busy month they may settle for just a 'panni-mudakku' or only one harthal. And they are all different things by definition mind you, even though, eventually it is just a reason to be lazy.
All the shops will be closed by 7 p.m, 8, if you happen to live in the most happening part of the town.
You will find Mohanlal, or Mammootti, or Kavya Madhavan grinning at you from top of sign boards of every other shop. Current favourite, I believe is Prithviraj, even though he is faaar behind dear old Lalettan (copyright violation, owe this to Sreejith)
You start confusing saree shops...er showrooms, or jewelleries with shopping malls. How very stupid of you. Just because the the saree showrooms n jewelleries are spread across spaces as big as a football stadium, and are 5 floors high, each specialised for a specific kind of saree or jewellery, customised for your comfort, does NOT mean that you think they are shopping malls. Seriously, they should give out store maps that have a red cross marked saying 'you are here' and another one saying 'you'd want to get your ass here' before they let people into a Joy Allukas or a Kalyan silks or sundry other mazes pretending to be showrooms.
This is the sure shot way of knowing that u really are in Kerala. You will find 'showrooms' for umbrellas, with high-tech umbies that come in all shapes, colours n sizes possible- With lights, with automatic open-shut buttons, hands-free ones, that sing when you open them, ones that jump up and do a li'l polka dance when u close them. And there will be familiy loyalties running across generations towards a particular brand name. Their ad campaigns can give Coke n Pepsi run for their money. "Mazza Mazza, Kudaa Kudaa. Mazza vannal Popy Kudaa"
This again more applicable for Kottayam-Cochin side. Every small town junction will have a 'Kurishupalli' regardless of whether there is a real 'palli' (for non-mallus, that's church) around or not.
People will still stare if you wear jeans and a short tee. Sometimes if are really unlucky you will meet jerks who will leer at you in such a way that you wonder if u have you cloths inside out, or if ur fly's open. :( :(
You will find atleast 2 bus stands in every town, no matter how small the town is- one for 'private buses' and another for 'transport buses'(these are KSRTC buses). Nevermind the fact that both the buses are used for 'transport' :D
Buses will have bells, with a loong rope running through one side, that the conductor can tug, to signal stop or go to the driver. One ring means stop, two to go. Pretty innovative :)
Killies. No, I don't mean the winged variety. This is the post given to that additional guy in most of the 'private buses' in Kerala. Why a guy would want his job description to mean 'small bird' is beyond me, but this is ur friendly neighbourhood chap who stands on the bus ka steps, helps the passengers climb in n climb out, helps poor ladies by pulling up their luggage into the bus, helps old ladies, by pulling them into the bus, n also tries mild forms of firting with pretty young things. Generally tells u to move in, make space for others, hold on for dear life. Tells the driver when to stop, when to move on. Very unique, n very special to Kerala.
There will be associations, and cooperative societies for everything. Last time I went, the state conference for the all Kerala bakers' association, innovatively named "Bake' was being held in Ernakulam. 8
To God's own country...And to His own humour sense ! :)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Go to Venice...
I've always wanted to, ever since I found out bout this place for the first time. And that was when I was in 2nd std. Travel in a gondola, with the gondolier singing his song...in a language I dont understand, the feeling I may. There is no one in particular I wanna go with...but if I have someone along with me, I'd wanted it to be someone who'd understand what I see....
Get completely drunk
I drink, but I dont get drunk. Because I dont like making a fool outta myself, in front of people. So I wanna get so drunk, that I dunno what I am doing. I wanna kiss a complete stranger, hurl abuses, dance like a girl possessed.
Trust someone with my life
I've issues with trust. I let people close, but not too close. I trust my friends, but if u lose my trust once, then its difficult to get it back. People I've really really trusted ve let me down before. But I've also lived with it, n not be bothered too much. For once I wanna trust someone with everything I've...so much that I that trust breaks, I will too. For good.
Fall in love
Madly. Completely. It'd be nice if the guy I fell in love with feels the same bout me too. But even if he doesn't, I still wanna get to know that crazy/beautiful feeling that everyone's so ga-ga about. I wanna feel what it is like to feel SO much for a person. To care so much, that everything else feels inconsequential.
Become a columnist
I wanna write. No, I have to write.That is the one single passion I ve in life. Only thing that I really, fiercely care about. And I like people to read what I write. That was the reason for journalism, but the cynicism of those in the profession shook me. I didnt wanna become someone who lost the joy in life. So well, a columnist. So I can write what I want to. Talk about things I care, without restrictions, or editors to please.
Make my parents proud
I mean really, really proud. So far, I've always followed my dreams. Unfortunately, my dreams dont match with those of my parents'. They'd rather have me be successful the unconventional way. But they have never forced me to do something I wouldn't like. They have always given me options, told me what they'd like me to chose, but left me the option of choosing the other. And supported me. And, been proud in my acheivement. But I know that somewhere in their hearts, they still wish for a different daughter. And that hurts. So for once, I wanna do something that will make them proud, n really really happy-proud. I dunno what that is...but someday...
Travel all around the country...alone
I wanna see whole of this country that I so proud of. N not thru the eyes of a tour guide. Not through a package luxury tour. I wanna get a jeep, pack off few cloths in a back pack, n go see the hearts of India...the forests in Assam, leh, go trekking, walking in the woods, live with locals in an obsecure village hidden away from the modern world...
Get a house by a beach...
Not a crowded beach. Not a huge house. Just some place where I can sit out on the porch, n see the waves wash up. Where I can sit with a mug of coffee in my hand, watch the rain drops fall in the sea n be lost. Where I can talk the night away...feel all n nothing...
bunjee jump into the water...
Learn how to swim...
Make someone's life worthwhile...
Adopt a child...
Buy ice cream for a kid on the road...
Write a love story...
Get lost in a strange country n be rescued by a kind stranger...
Be stranded in a Forrest...
Meet a murderer...
Live...n then die...n see who all come to my funeral. Who all cry. N who all say, thank god...
Friday, May 05, 2006
Ever get this feeling that you’re watching your own life happen from outside? No, I don’t mean to ask if u have suffered a mild case of dissassociative disorder. Just that at times, u just feel that things happening to you, are not really happening to u. they are not really real. Well, if you have never felt that way, I’d request u to stop reading right here. I wouldn’t want u to think that I’m a raving lunatic. Neither do I want to put ideas into your head.
Well, this feeling that I get once in a while, often gets me thinking. What the hell is reality anyways. Who decides what is real n what is science fiction? I mean, matrix could be real. So could Hogwarts. Sure, now u are thinking, “ Yeah right, and the moon is made of blue cheese, n clouds are made of kurlo pillows. This kid’s gone way off the rocker.” Its convenient right? We have made categories for everyone to fit in. Even for those who don’t want to- they are the miss-fits. The radicals. If someone says or believes in something that doesn’t fit into the system, they are immediately cast away as schizophrenics, maniacs. The Not-normals.
This brings us back to my original question. Who decides what is normal? Whose reality are we living anyways? I remember one day in college, tsu, me and killi had this HUGE debate over this. Well, mostly it was killi n me, with tsu trying placate me, while supporting killi’s view. Killi claimed that reality was quite simply what she could see, feel, touch n hear. I countered that so does a schizophrenic, so why is that called hallucination? She counter-countered that, well what a schizo’s reality is something that only he can see. But her reality is something that all of us can…she, me, tsu, the guy sitting in the adjacent bench trying to evesdrop, all of us. So well, I asked, then that simply means that your reality is dependant on the corroboration of others. Which when simply put can just mean that whatever the majority thinks, believes, and says, becomes the reality. It may be wrong, but then u gotta live with it.
This brings us to another favourite theory of mine. That this big, beautiful world of ours, runs on a few sets of parameters. And on the assumption that every man, woman, n child, accept n believe in those parameters. These parameters may not always make sense, but they are essential building blocks of our world. If they crumble, we crumble. So when some enlightened soul stands up to question them, it becomes necessary for us to label them as crazy, so that we don’t have to grope in the darkness for answers. Because we are quite happy to live with the answers that we already have. So well, if we believe that matrix is a reality, it kinda burdens us with a need to take a stand. Do we, go on as we did even after knowing the truth? Or do we, like Neo, fight for freedom? Choice…it’s not just our greatest gift, it is also our biggest burden. We chose our reality. We chose what we want to believe. And we chose to be who we are. Reality, my friend, is a myth. It’s all in your head…zombie.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Coz of course don't want the world to see me weak
Wonder what I'm so scared of?
What I'm running away from...
Wish there'd be someone to say, that no matter how hard I try to make them, they'll never leave.
I got to stop dreaming.
I got to stop driving myself crazy.
I feel trapped inside myself.
I gotta free fall....
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
In the era of star wars and matrix fundas, even the communication blunders have become tech savvy. WIRED magazine has actually coined a term to describe this ominous time between hitting the ‘send’ button on your e-mail and realizing to your utter horror that you have sent it to the wrong person. It’s called the ‘onosecond’ (from the numerous ‘oh nos!’ that go up as the horrible reality hits you!). Well, sure makes sense.
It’s quite startling to think about the amount of things that can and more often than not, will go wrong, because of one wrong click. People have lost their jobs; relationships that took years to build have been ruined.
Technology is supposed to have made communications easier, quicker. But it also has made it easier to lay booby traps to catch innocent mortals who have less than a PhD in “How to Save Thyself from Being Fooled By Technology.” Take the example of my click happy roomie, who back in her school days, got this mail asking for a few personal details (stuff like ur crush n things that could be deadly if it reaches the wrong hands in school), with a promise of a horoscope. She being the gullible sort gave it all away. As she clicked ‘ok’ horoscope turned into horror scope as the message flashed across the screen, “This information has been sent to the person who sent you this link!”. Now I needn’t really explain what followed in school the next day. Well it did motivate her to take up a career in IT though!
It’s not just your meanie friends, even IT companies resort to similar dealings to keep a check on what their employees download from their free internet access at office. There are softwares to store all that you download from the net to a separate site. Those simple Ctrl A+ Ctrl C+Ctrl V that all of us use indiscriminately, caused one unfortunate Infy guy his job.
So also with the zillions of other things that we do under the illusion that we are safe in the relative anonymity and untracability of the www. But you will never know how those nasty comments that u, in a moment of devilish inspiration posted on u oh-so-funny blog, about that friend, that boos or teacher, can turn into one unholy mess if the victim of ur brilliant wit stumbles upon it. Plus once you post it in the cyber space, you really have no control over who reads it. You maybe sharing something personal with a friend, and suddenly everyone with a computer had heard about it. Suddenly ‘copyright’ seems such a redundant word.
For the terminally scatty and pathologically careless (like me, for instance), the very things that geeks love about technology are its many traps. Sometimes it can be as simple as forgetting to lock the keypad of your mobile before u put it in your pocket or bag. And then, speed dialing takes over, and lo and behold! You’ll suddenly find your balance going down the drain at drastic speed and your poor mom bellowing “Hello! Hello!” at the other end.
It’s quite ironical that for a generation that grew up on e-mails n sms, laughs heartily while watching their parents struggle with their mobiles, still fall into so many traps. We need to realize that no technology can ever be foolproof, because a. it is after all an outgrowth of the human brain, and b. lets face it, fools can really be indigenous (!).
Technology should probably come with a statutory warning, “Proceed with extreme caution, slippery ground ahead!” You can never be sure you know better. Take it from a person who, due to a childhood problem of short attention span, ahs gone through a lot of technology aided tragedies. For all who think they have seen it all, beware! Technology’s lurking around the corner!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Well, not much harm done though. Perfect timing actually. My pracs start on the 26th. If this had hit a week later, I'd have been in serious trouble. I went to Ooty 3 days before. Had it hit me those 3 days ago, a lot people would have been in serious trouble.
Getting sick, beyond some common cold, can actaully be quite an experience. Getting chicken pox sure makes u appreciate the little, n not very often noticed joys of life. Like the smell of soap n water on ur skin for instance. Or the freedom to go anyplace, talk to anyone. Or having paani puri with friends.
It makes u appreciate the people around u. The fact that it never occured to ur parents that ur falling sick spoilt their Vishu. Instead, they were just happy that, u were there at home with them...chicken pox and all. And that ur bro, tried to immitate, n fail spectacularly, ur chicken act that u did to tease him wen he was down with it, whenever he called. N that he called twice a day, n told ur mother to put rakthachandanam(red sandelwood?) with honey, to remove the marks-which apparently worked for his friend(!).
It makes u really really glad, that ur friends came to see u, take a long detour, from their way home after a tiring day at work. That they came out of their hostel, in the nite to see u off. Or that they call, to laugh at u for so long that u really give up and laugh with them at ur "sad plight" :)
I used to always boast/complain that I've never really had a serious diesease. All I used to get was irritatingly common colds, fevers, n endless headaches. Life's funny at times. Infact, most of the times. So is chicken pox. :)
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
We went to Ooty this weekend. We, being 8 of us. Well it ought to have been the mother of all unplanned trips. I didn’t even know that I’d be going till Thursday night, and on Friday night, we were already off! We almost went to Koorge, but eventually landed up in Ooty anyways. But well, this post is not to describe how unplanned, but good this trip was. Or how beautiful that place was. This post is dedicated to something that has always intrigued me, ever since I had my first meeting with them- Well, relationships.
I certainly wouldn’t qualify as a relationship expert. N no, I certainly am not trying to give love advice ( Who would, after having such disastrous experiences experimenting with it). I have never been in a serious relationship. My only claim to that realm, is a hardly 2 months long thing…which well, I still am not too sure how to describe in a “relationshipically correct” way. I knew, when it began that it would never get any where. While it lasted I was happy. When it ended I was still happy. I’m glad it ended when it did. And I’m glad we still could remain friends after that. At least for sometime.
But then that’s not the point either. I’ve never been in a so called serious relationship, but I know many people, who are, n many who claim to be. But one thing that’s always interesting to watch is, the way people act, when they are trying to head towards one. The phase, when people tell their friends, “he’s just a friend”, “we hardly know each other, but she definitely is different from the other gals”, “I dunno where this is headed” n blah.
Now if u are wondering what connection this has with Ooty, then let me explain. Well, on Saturday night, after the whole day of sight seeing, all of us returned home, tired n sleepy. The gals (that’s me n Theoti), and a couple of guys, where jus wanted to hit the sack. Couple of other guys, (that’s Eiffel tower, Mr. Would-Be Considerate (WBC), n our dear BOA) had plans to drink. In the end, all of us, except for A Cheta, decided to stay awake for a bit. After a while, the talk somehow steered towards relationships. Guess it was the booze for them n lack of sleep for us that did it!! Think it began with Mr.WBC commenting that Theoti n BOA make a very cute couple :)
So we were talking about how, in the first six months or so, it’s always about trying to impress the other. I’ve always wondered why. If u wanted someone to like u, or even fall in love with u, how does acting like someone u’re not, help? The guy or the gal in question, may go out with u, but isn’t leading that person on? And as a consequence u end up making compromises even after the first six months of so called courting (eurgh!! I can’t believe I said courting! I need to reassure u that, under normal circumstances, I certainly am not the kinds to use words like that!!!). It is at this point of the discussion that I said, “ If u pretend to be someone else, to make someone fall in love with u, u end up risking either living a lie your entire life, or losing the other person, when he or she realizes that u’re not the person he or she fell in love with.” ( God! My own brilliance surprises me at times!! ;D
It is true right? What’s the point in all that dressing up, and acting nice, pretending to be the Mr. or Miss Ideal?? I think that all those fairy tales, that we were fed while we were kids, lead us to believe that there really is a Prince Charming to rescue us out of the hopless normalcy of our lives. Or a Sleeping beauty who needs u to wake her up inside, and save her from the nothing she’s become ( copyrights still reserved to Evanescence). Or that happily ever after is not possible without these semi divine creatures.
In truth, all we need for that happily ever after is a wee bit of honesty, little love, respect, n lets face it, endless patience and a hell lot of luck!! And this philosophy will save u, not only a lot of heart break but all that money too. But of course, u’d miss out all the fine tuning u get for that admission into the National Institute of Drama!!
Ms. Know-It-All said : So much for sensibility. Hope my Prince Charming comes to know about it!! ;)
Friday, March 31, 2006
"I thought I'd start with me. i'm...well...confused! clueless more precisely! there was a time,not so long ago when i thought that i knew who i'm. and then life took over! life, for some inexplicable reason decided that enough was enough, n i, this teeny tiny(well, not SO tiny perhaps!) being in this big bad world, should not be allowed to have such huge misconceptions about myself. so it (i'll settle for 3rd person, coz i'm not sure if life's gal or a guy) made my "higher mental processes" in motion...that's just a fancy way of saying that i started pondering over things (well my dear close friends call it "brooding over nonsense" n "thinking too much" n other such less flattering names, but lets not get into that right now). and THEN i realised that there is a hell lot that i dont know bout myself. i thought i was a pretty mature person, but then why do my feelings seem so trivial and kiddish at times? i thought i was strong, but then how come i get so easily hurt at times? how can i be friends who, are not only totally different from me, but are opposites to each other too? how can i hate mush in real life, but still enjoy romantic comedies? hell i didnt even know what my fav colour was! (ahem...i still can't make up my mind on that!!!)...since then i've been always trying to figure me out...well without much success, fortunately or unfortunately!
anyways, it's been kinda fun being me though! have had a pretty decent life so far...so i can tell u the basics. was born to malayalee parents, which makes me a keralite...n for a good nine years of my life i was in gud ol' kerala. but in 4 diff cities though. my dad has a transferable job, so every three years we all(that's me, my dad, my ma, n a bro) pack our bags n hopp to the next place that becokns. this kind of a gypsy's life suited me. we got to see, n learn a lot of things that people who are permanently rooted in a place miss out on...diffrent people, different cultures, n blah like that. but cant say it come without a price...i've no sense of stability in life, in the sense, there is no place that i call home, coz that has always changed, before i could make any permanent affections. home's just where my folks are, n that's gud enough for me actually.
well, schools...went to KVs mostly, then a brief 2 years in a public school in delhi, n nw in college, doing what i wanted to do since i was 8 years old...journalism. n here again is the catch. i fought with my whole clan, who like all gud mallus believe that engineering n medicine are the only decent profession for any kid to take up, to get into journalism. n now, after 2 n a half years, i'm not sure! can u beat that?well, i knw for sure that i wanna be a part for this huge world of media, but am i ready to take on the cynicism that is part an parcel, n these days the main component of journalism? dunno...well i've another 6 months to decide. n well, there is still hope! that, think is enough bout me in a post. even i cant take too much of me so there!
cheers to life(u see, beyond the confusion n crap, i still love IT! ;)
posted by moontalk @ 7:25 AM
Well, that was 8 months ago...not much has changed now either. I'm still clueless about me, n well...still completely in love with life! So much for old memories!! :)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
It's actually pretty easy to figure out when u reach Kerala. I mean, other than that u'll see green all around. Few pointers though. Non-mallus please excuse. Mallus, please dont beat me up!!!
U Know U Re In Kerala When...
U see all the chetas n ungles on the road wearing their shirts tucked out, full sleeves, unfailingly (is that a real word???) folded up, regardless of whether they are wearing trousers or gud ol' munduAll chechies n aundies with hair shining black with coconut oil, n a gold chain around their neck
Compound walls of all houses will carry painted advertisements, or the words "evide parasiyam pathikeruthe"- "stick no bills"
Every house, regardless of the size, will have one maavu, one thengu, n if possibel one plaavu
Every other house will have the roof made of oodu (mangalore tiles, i think!!). The modern ones, will have a cemented roof, with oodu fixed on top...chumma oru ethinic style ;)
Every second hoadring on the road will advertise some jewellery shop "Bhima Gold, Pure Gold"
There will be more bakeries, sorry, "bakers" than medical stores.
Shops will have names like Vee Tee, n Kay Bee, Jay Yem. (seriously!!!)
There will be more private buses on the road than KSRTC ones, And every single one of them will be lovingly christened "Robin" or "Shlimar" or "Gurudeva", or if u re in Cochin- Kottayam side, it will be "St.George", "St.Jude", "St.Joeseph".
Oh well, guess thats what makes this place so damn special!
No place like home!!!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Man! I'm going nuts here!!!
Got nothing to do, but too lazy to post nething new. So well, am reposting my old ones.
This ought to be depths of boredome.
But not to go off track, ever wondered it were possible, that there actually could be a reason for him hitting on the mighty insight wen he was exactly where he was...ie. the bathroom? Now if u're done laughing at the idea, take a minute to think, where u hit on ur brightest ideas? (that's, of course, assuming that, u do hit upon bright ideas). Think think. I'm sure now that smirk on ur face is swalpa fading.
I asked this question to a bunch of my friends. Couple of them gave quite vague answers like, 'no place in particular' n 'I dont think'. One soul even went as far as his house down in Kerala, among the paddy fields, under some mango tree or some. But most responses were, 'in the shower', 'the bathroom' or 'on top of u-can-guess-what' (for the dunces who didnt get it, it begins with a p n ends with a y, n has one 0 n 2 ts in between).
I, for one, can admit without a mearest trace of doubt that most of my AHA experiences (nw if u dont knw wat an AHA experience is, refer to 'Understanding Psychology', edition 4, chapter 8, page 268), either wen I was in the shower or wen I'm attending one of nature's early morning calls. So, is it all a mear coincidence that all our flash bulb moments happen in the hidden walls of the bathroom or did God actually give us that place to explore n exercise much more that our bowels n our vocal chords (for singing I mean)?
Maybe the reason lies in the fact that the loo is the only place, in the whole grand world, where u go completely n truely alone. I mean u sure do not want someone staring at u while u go about the merry business of emptying ur system. The shower...er...well there maybe people who wouldnt mind company, but thats a COMPLETELY diffrent story altogether, so we shalt jst ignore tat tiny hitch for now. So, wat u get it is TOTAL n uninterupted privacy, so that ur toughts can flow daintily as a river. Unless u've an irritating sibling or a roomie whose digestive clock works in perfect tandom with urs, in which case u've loud bangs on the door accompanied by rude n unflattering threats.
N its also the only time wen u're stripped bare of all ur masks that come with the business of living, the only time wen u dont ve to act all proper proper n dignified n grown-uppish. The only time u can be jst YOU. N no one's gonna hold it against u. Or judge u.
So is it a big wonder,that u can reason clearly, understand things that u never considered before, wen u re stripped bare (quite literally!) of the layers of pretensions of everyday life?Maybe the warmth of a shower, that cleases u off the dirt n muck, clears ur mind too off the clutter, n takes with it all the stress n fatigue down the drain, leaving ur grey cells refreshed. So next time it feels all confused n muddled up in ur upper storey , just go take that shower!
Ms.Know- it- all said: Nature's calling! Where re u??? Cheers!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
But what can u possibly write for people whom u really don't know? I hate the idea of niceties..."it was great knowing u"," have a brilliant life", "don't forget me", "will miss u", blah blah blah. Never saw the point of it, when u don't mean it. N if u really do, then u dont need to say it.
So initially I wrote an honest sentence...that I really don't know what to write! But then, after writing endless scraps, I still didn't wanna get one of my own, wen Danny came up with this idea. She wanted to jus cut chart paper or some, into bits, n give it to everyone to write, n the bind it or some. It struck a cord in my heart. To add a bit of originality, AND to avoind trouble with copyright violation, I decided to improve upon the idea. Got a bunch of different coloured activity paper (Landmark zindabad), cut them by half, made a box outta an old file...n viola! I had my very own scrap box.
Next day I just handed it out for people to write, as n when they find time. N they stuff they wrote really really caught me by surprise. There were so many who remembered stuff about me, that I myself had long forgotten. I usually pride nyself on remember little things about people, but didn't realise that so many others who did the same about me too :)
And, yes, it was wonerfully funny to read thru those...be it Nandini saying that she remembers me yelling at her in first year while we were working together for an assignment(ooops!!!), but adding that its ok, coz she "probably deserved it", n neways we got an A in that assignment, so cool!! N this from a gal whom everyone in the class complains that she doesnt be with us much.
Or Janani saying that I was one of her 1st roommates (yeah...for like, 3 days in hostel!)...I don't even know when was the last time I actually spoke to her. Or people saying they appreciate me sholdering responsibility in class. Or that I've a cute smile (grin!grin!). Or that I'm actually helpful AND patient (who, me????really???).
So many tiny li'l things...that I'd never realised. Sure there were people, who did actually write things like "miss u, remember me!" blah, but SO MANY who did not. Felt good. REAL good.
Thanks U guys! Over 3 years, we've had our fights, and our differences of opinion, and our li'l skirmishes. But, at the end of those 3 years, these bits of memories remain. Like bits of scrap on the big scrap box of my mind. To the class of 3rd year JPEng....U ROCK!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Dont wanna crib anymore! So wont!
I'm getting in my 'i wanna do a free fall' mode again. Gosh I need to go bungee jumping.
The class sweat shirts after a lot of melodrama, and even more crap, is finally getting done. For all the blah that guys gimme about gals never being able to do anything on time, n anything efficiently, it took a gal to intervene n stop their ego fights from ruining the whole point of a class sweat shirt. Boy! Does the caption seem appropriate or what now? "Don't give us more options, we re already confused" What could be more approprite to the bunch of "holistically perturbed journalists" that we re.
We re left with 3 days of classes. The university took the exam fees, but they still have not woken up to realise that they also need to give us a time table.
Graduation Day looms ahead.
Ma and Cha are here. But they wont be able to come see me graduate.
I have sk the letter he's given me long back (not that long back really, but it does seem long now). Dont ask me why. I don't know. I really dont.
I have not had a real face to face conversation with my best friend since I dont know how long. She's been busy. I, as usual didn't try too hard.I always thought that no matter how much ever we fight, there's nothing that cannot be fixed over cafe frappe'. But this time around when I asked, she had already made plans with someone else. We can always so it some other time rite? Sure. Wonder whether to fight for attention or fight oblivion. Evanesence never made more sense.
My childhood friend is down with chicken pox. Just a day before she was supposed to go to Hydrabad to join Satyam.
And still, my eternal optimistic alter refuses to die a slow death.
Went for my walk in morning as usual. Switched on my radio, n the first song they play is "chukar mere mann ko..." My all time favourite song. God bless radio city.
Then they play "jeene ke ishare mil gaye..." Providence saying,"Get a grip woman, its not like u have to put up with a life without ice cream!"
I know. Those who take life as a rollercoaster need to take down with the up. N yes, down' s faster, but then it also means its takes less time to be done n over with.
Chicken pox is curable. After some 5 years, people wont remember the fight. But they will still have the sweat shirt tucked in some corner of their wardrobe. Coffee Day is still standing strong. I just need to put my foot down...and..er... offer to pay the bill ;). Sk will always remain one on the good friends I had. Past cannot change. N it's not like I'm gonna start studying the day the time table is out. And finally Graduation means I get to show off, and college gives us free food...for once!
U know what? Life's not such a bitch afterall. U just need to change the colour of ur glasses once a while. Get a different coloured view.
Ms. Know-It-All said: "There are no problems in life that cannot be solved with a couple of well placed explosives" Anyone seen my box of RDX?????
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I walk this empty street
I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
I'm walking down the line
Read between the lines of what's
I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
I walk alone
I walk this empty street
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
Friday, February 10, 2006
It's the bloody end of year! End of my last year in college. The it might as well be the end of life, comfortable n relatively carefree, as I know it.
I say relatively, because it really is not all that carefree. Is it ever? I think we human beings, as a race are literally born with cares. They just differ in degree as we move on.
When u're just born, perhaps your greatest worry would be if that big thing that keeps lifting u up n pampering u, wen u re feeling cranky, will someday just get fed up with ur grouchyness n call it quits. U'd probably wonder how u can just ve such limited means of putting ur problems accross...I mean, u pee, u wail, u want food, u wail, u r too hot, u wail, u r too cold, u wail, u wanna die and all u an do is still wail. Bloody u can't even turn on ur stupid back, where the hell are u gonna do anthing else???
Then u learn to talk...then ur biggest worry would be wen to stop...u suddenly have so many darn things to say, so many zillion things to ask, u start to wonder if u should even take time to breath of a sec, in case u wont be able to ask all what u wanna in this small lifetime.
Then u learn to walk...no I think most of us just learn to run direct.Then suddenly, the world looks so much bigger.U discover corners of the universe that u'd never imagined possible. Run, run, run...like Forrest Gump (is that how u spell his name?).Just keep on moving.
Till we run ourselves to the gates of school...from then on, its running backwards, or running away...
In primary school, u r all happy. Boy! There are so many fascinating things in the world. But the first doubts creep in.Will u ever be as smart as ur pretty teacher? (gosh! she knows so much!). Will u be left with that ugly looking kid at recess? Will u be left with the last black crayon??? Will u be ever as cool as ur bro/sis is high school?
Then u actually huff n puff ur way to high school...n bingo! Suddenly, high school is a lot less cooler, now that u've got there. There's that definite class bully to make ur existance miserabe (as if pimples n puberty were not enough already). Then there's that cute chick/guy, who just refuses to acknowledge ur presence. Maybe the blame's not all his/hers. If only u didn't act like a spastic who's gonna choke on gum, everytime u wanna so much as say howdy. Then of course, a whole battalion of teachers who expect u to be a mathamatical genius, on the verge of a major invention that will change the way science thinks, who also plays basketball n goes cross country jogs in her sparetime, all the while quoting Shakrspear n Shelley.
Then the boards. Ok now ur parents, ur teachers n the entire humanity unanimously decide, that u deserve NO social life(not that any page 3 regular wld ve felt threatened by ur exciting social life), NO excitement (spare one odd test in one odd term that u may actually pass), n of course absolutely NO TV (there goes the one thing that didnt cringe wen u came in front of it...ur only escape from the morose reality that is ur life). So you finally manage to push n pull n drag urself through those too. Then the big choice...Science or Commerce??? Unless u re that dumb that u can take nothing but miserable Arts (horror!horror!)
So u take compromise n take commerce. Scrape through the next 2 years of endless accounts n mismatched balance sheets, n failed economic policies. On the last day of ur 12th boards, ur sense of joy's probably marred only by ur extreme fear of being rejected by all the colleges that u applied to.
Surprise! Surprise! Some college finally does agree to lower its standards to ur level. Then the three years...three wonderful years...no uniforms, no rules. The ones that are there, are meant to be broken. Friends...who for once dont really care if u r not the coolest one(probably coz they kw they re not either!) Life spent in the cafeteria, canteen, everywhere but class. But at the end of those years, u'll have figured out more than the rest of ur life put together.
That, comes to an end now. What is left, is an empty road...the one that I need to walk alone. Friends, teachers, parents...will only protect me this far. So what I need to know is, did it have to end like this? Did my friends have to become strangers?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
To be very honest, it was not all the easy to digest...the docu I mean. Sure all of us have heard a lot bout the imfamous Godhra riots. Read a lot, seen a lot. But it still pulled your heart right out of ur ribcage, n twisted it bad to watch a li'l kid...probably not even 5 years old say that he saw his grandpa n uncles being brutally murdered. That he saw his dad's fingers being chopped off wen he tried to save them. That his mother, his aunt were stripped right in front of his eyes, before their limbs where chopped off. He wondered, why they stripped only the womenfolk. But even in his innocent mind, he knew who "they" were..."woh Hindu log hai na..."
I could feel the anger swell inside me as I heard Praveen Togadia proclaim to the crowds, that we need to forget Gabdhi to "fight injustice". I could feel the sorrow, wen a lady cried that she saw poor starving infants being thrown into the fire...that she still gets nightmares. Wen the cemetry keeper told the camera man that he'd lose his mind if he saw the scratches, the wounds on the breasts of the dead bodies of women brought to be buried...
We couldn't watch the whole docu...the 55 mins of class didnt permit. So we decided to wait till the next class to continue.
As I was walking out of the media lab, I was already thinking about the psychology presentation I had to make for the next class. Got out, saw Danny, smiled at her. She smiled back, n commented, "Not one of the best way to start my way". For a minute, I stared at her blankly. Didnt get wat she was referring to. Then it hit me. The docu. Can u believe it? I had already forgotten! I, who was so deeply affected by the plight of those hapless thousands. So deeply angered by the injustce of it all. Deeply affected! My own hypocracy shocked me.
What was wrong with me? What is wrong with all of us? How could we forget? How did we allow ourselves to forget...so soon? So easily?
"Those who forget history are condemded to relive it" George Somebody. And so we re...reliving it...time after time. Godhra. Mumbai. Babri Masjid. Delhi. Bhopal...time after time
What have I really seen in life? I ve not known real hunger...the one that pinches. I ve not seen war. Not seen hatred...the kind that makes u kill unborn children. I dont know what suffering is. Does that mean what I've seen in life is all a dream? An illusion? Meaningless waste? Do I really realise how fortunate I am? Or am I?
I know pain. BUT I also know what it is to be loved. What it is to be liked...AND disliked. I can see beauty in life, in this world. I can feel the joy of walking in the rain, of staring at a starlit sky, of walking barefoot on wet grass...of feeling the sea waves touch my feet n go...I can look at a child smile at me, and feel happy to be alive.
But what bout that li'l kid? Will he look at midnight sky filled with a million stars, n realise that God must love us guys down here..or will he relive the horrors of that horrible night when all his people, his world, were brutually destroyed? Will that lady ever get a peaceful nights's sleep...without the nightmares?
God...how can u make the same world so diffrent for 2 people at the same time?
Ms. Know-it-all asked: Will u remember that kid tmorrow?
I hope I never ever forget...again.