Thursday, June 22, 2006

U Know U Are In Kerala Again

Well, was there again! Plus this seems to be the season for sequels. Ice Age 2, X-Men 3 ( The Last Stand, apparently. From now on, they sit. Ok, sorry, real PJ), n if you thought sequels and trilogies were boring, there's always Ocean's Thirteen (now this has possibilities, I'll be looking forward to an Ocean's 56, but that's next year), KKRISHHH ( comments!). So I wouldn't want my poor humble blog to feel left out would I? So after the phenomenal (spelled wrong??gosh!don't tell anyone I studied Eng Lit in coll!!) sucess of the original post (yeah right!) here's the much awaited sequel (actually not, but what the heck, no one's gonna sue me for saying that)

So, u know that u are in Kerala again, when,

U notice that though most school don't extend their uniforms to shoes, they will however, insist that girls wear big fat ribbons on there thick coconut oiled black hair.

There will be atleast 3 strikes/bandhs/harthals every month. If everyone's having a busy month they may settle for just a 'panni-mudakku' or only one harthal. And they are all different things by definition mind you, even though, eventually it is just a reason to be lazy.

All the shops will be closed by 7 p.m, 8, if you happen to live in the most happening part of the town.

You will find Mohanlal, or Mammootti, or Kavya Madhavan grinning at you from top of sign boards of every other shop. Current favourite, I believe is Prithviraj, even though he is faaar behind dear old Lalettan (copyright violation, owe this to Sreejith)

You start confusing saree showrooms, or jewelleries with shopping malls. How very stupid of you. Just because the the saree showrooms n jewelleries are spread across spaces as big as a football stadium, and are 5 floors high, each specialised for a specific kind of saree or jewellery, customised for your comfort, does NOT mean that you think they are shopping malls. Seriously, they should give out store maps that have a red cross marked saying 'you are here' and another one saying 'you'd want to get your ass here' before they let people into a Joy Allukas or a Kalyan silks or sundry other mazes pretending to be showrooms.

This is the sure shot way of knowing that u really are in Kerala. You will find 'showrooms' for umbrellas, with high-tech umbies that come in all shapes, colours n sizes possible- With lights, with automatic open-shut buttons, hands-free ones, that sing when you open them, ones that jump up and do a li'l polka dance when u close them. And there will be familiy loyalties running across generations towards a particular brand name. Their ad campaigns can give Coke n Pepsi run for their money. "Mazza Mazza, Kudaa Kudaa. Mazza vannal Popy Kudaa"

This again more applicable for Kottayam-Cochin side. Every small town junction will have a 'Kurishupalli' regardless of whether there is a real 'palli' (for non-mallus, that's church) around or not.

People will still stare if you wear jeans and a short tee. Sometimes if are really unlucky you will meet jerks who will leer at you in such a way that you wonder if u have you cloths inside out, or if ur fly's open. :( :(

You will find atleast 2 bus stands in every town, no matter how small the town is- one for 'private buses' and another for 'transport buses'(these are KSRTC buses). Nevermind the fact that both the buses are used for 'transport' :D

Buses will have bells, with a loong rope running through one side, that the conductor can tug, to signal stop or go to the driver. One ring means stop, two to go. Pretty innovative :)

Killies. No, I don't mean the winged variety. This is the post given to that additional guy in most of the 'private buses' in Kerala. Why a guy would want his job description to mean 'small bird' is beyond me, but this is ur friendly neighbourhood chap who stands on the bus ka steps, helps the passengers climb in n climb out, helps poor ladies by pulling up their luggage into the bus, helps old ladies, by pulling them into the bus, n also tries mild forms of firting with pretty young things. Generally tells u to move in, make space for others, hold on for dear life. Tells the driver when to stop, when to move on. Very unique, n very special to Kerala.

There will be associations, and cooperative societies for everything. Last time I went, the state conference for the all Kerala bakers' association, innovatively named "Bake' was being held in Ernakulam. 8

To God's own country...And to His own humour sense ! :)


Ullas said...

Killi is a short form for "Cleaner". That is the primary job of that guy, get the bus cleaned up before the first trip in the morning. Check the essentials of the bus etc. Of course it would be good if he was a mechanic of some sort but usually this guy is just good at manual labour and knows absolutely nothing about the mechanical parts of the bus.

Tsu said...

hehe oh hilarious gal!!! im jus veing weird mallu guys in their colorful mundus with chai in their hand!!!
but i do like the monsoon tourism idea... takes water to create fire..... hmmmm... interesting i say!!!

u know who said...

did u forget the essential diet of Kerala? Gods own malayala manorama?
who was the first to find out that ronaldo was baptized by a mallu priest?or apj abdul kalam has only one student doing research under him that too a mallu?they had the map of the flights that crashed into twin towers and the trajectory of the ball in world cup?
anyways moon,ur blogs are great.just love reading them
keep writing...
as the famous kerala slogan goes
dheerathayode nayichollu,laksham laksham pinnale ( for non mallus,it reads,lead courageously,lakhs are there as followers)

killi said...

man u've got in rite or wat.. hmm.. nw i'm going thru this hell.. and i guess will b for sometime too :)

actions n words said...

HILARIOUS!!!! Absolutely.... liking it very much! :)

moontalk said...

okay...didnt kw killi was short for cleaner.but i think their job's much more than cleaning...its more fun this way :)
oh yeah!that one DID surprise me!wonder hw they actually opted for an image change...n nice one too!
@i kw who :)
am too humble a soul to talk bout the mighty malayala manorama mate!
n thanks...please do keep feeding my ego :D
try seeing the fuuny side da...dunno wat that is, or u can alternatively try throwing something...sound of glass against wall is very claming ;)jus make sure ur dad's not around though!
@actions n words

Pradeep said...

The long rope and the bell have been there in buses. I guess only Kerala persists with it. I am told Andhra buses had it... Here in Bangalore, the conductors are lazy to blow even the whistle, instead they make vague noises.

When we travel, the best indication that "it's Kerala", are the greenery, and the lack of any vacant land.

moi said...

hheheheee... i love my kerala. you forgot to mention tht if u survive a bus ride in one of the private buses... you can survive anything in this world!!!!!

Me Thinks.. said...

good one! i really laughed!!better than the first one!! good you are providing the readers with more blank space!! helps in reading! nice one..i liked it..

Sam said...

if u write once again about kerala...........

moontalk said...

@ pradeep
in karnataka the conductors are sometimes not even there!in some buses the drivers double up as conductors kerala ppl obviously take their buses more seriously :)
@ moi
i was refering to that wen i said "hold on for dear life ;)
@me thinks
@ sam
ahem!is that a threat?er...u do realise who's the boss here dont u mate :D

Blogger Almighty said...

Hi.. to be honest, I didn't like your post much. But, Saree Showrooms.. was good.