Monday, February 16, 2009

Conversations

Don't you wish sometimes that you could dive into the depths of yourself and pull out that self that you once were? Become that stranger that you once used to be? So that all your todays are as your yesterdays, and your yesterdays are as today?

Or perhaps, you wonder if you have such depths to pull yourself out from. Wonder that if you try and dive into it, you will only realise the shallowness that is inside of you. Is that so bad--this lack of distance between the surface and the self? The skin-deep being the only presence and nothing else that is real?

Aren't memories a twisted trick that our mind plays on us? Or perhaps it is only to protect us from our own past selves. It is easy to remember yesterday fondly. To think of our past as a long lost friend, with whom we lost touch with somewhere. Someone you can bump into at a curious bend, and feel a surge of happiness, a rush that comes from meeting our once lost self.

Do you wonder? Or perhaps you are so rooted in the details of everyday that you don't have the time for such flights of whimsical imagination. Perhaps, you like to think you live in the reality of today. Perhaps you even believe that there is a reality of today.

What does that make me in your eyes? And what does that make you?

13 comments:

maverick said...

how i wish you went back to what you were..miss ya

you know who

vrinda said...

y y y???

i like 'ur' style of writing...this isn u :( *sad*

vrinda said...

but then that doesn take anything away from this piece :) nicely written :)

ScrewDriver said...

well to roll back time .. isnt it a wish of all....

However the question which bugs me is how the hell i landed from "there" to "here"

crumbs said...

@ maverick
this was labled personal/fiction for a reason. this is just random imagination, not really wishful thinking :)

@ vrinda
what convinces you that this isn't me? maybe this is me, and the previous style was me faking it ;)

@ ScrewDriver
you probably didn't land here, most of drift from "there" to anyplace :)

Tsu said...

I am sure what I am going to say isn’t going to make sense as a comment to the post but I heard this dialogue on some tv show (surprise surprise!) "Nothing I say is deep, if I look deep down, I am really shallow"

You should realise how much ever you could go back in time, the actions you take then will result in your now. So today is tomorrows yesterday so why not make it result in a person you want to be tomorrow.

You anyway are looking back And seeing the person you were as happy so why not put in that extra effort to keep u happy in the todays.

Did I make sense right there??? :D

Id it is said...

"Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind."

Wish those were 'my'words! Alas, they are not; that's T.S. Eliot telling you that it's pointless trying to capture a moment in a continuum such as time! Well, we all try doing it though, at some point in our lives only to realize we can't, and it's your time now so enjoy the ride.

crumbs said...

@ Tsu,

TV shows are such unexpected sources of wisdom, nah? :)

I like what you said,working, and staying happy today for a person you want to be tomorrow. Isn't that all of us need anyways? A happier tomorrow?

@ Id,
I don't know if you remember, but this is the second time you are quoting these lines from Eliot to me :)
See here:
http://somethingcalledmylife.blogspot.com/2007/07/just.html
I have always belived in "now". But I still love the past--for the sheer unchangability of it. No matter what we do, we cannot change the past, and whatever we had in it is something that no one can take away from us (of course, unless we want to give it away). Good or bad, it is ours. Isn't that reason enough?

I'm not sure I want to capture a moment--beyond freezing it as memory. That was what the post was =)

@ Tsu,
I think with that last comment, I have topped you in making as little sense as possible ;)

Tsu said...

naahhh!!! but you SURE tried ;-)

Id it is said...

Well...I'm not surprised I did that because I'm crazy about "The Four Quartets" of Eliot's! It is one poem that can justify all the unjustifiables that one encounters in life!

Your love for the past ...does it ever make you lose out on a crucial moment in the present? Just wondering...

crumbs said...

@ Tsu,

I do. I always do =)

@ Id,

To your question...I think not. Because (I think) that my love for the past does not take away my time with the present. Just as much as I love the past for its changeability, I love the present for its flexibility.

Having said that, I think I need to add that there are times when I chose to pay less attention to the present, finding my refuge in the past.

I wonder if that is a problem at times, but I quickly get over it ;)

medusa said...

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.

i did not say it, shakespeare did.
so, basically, yesterdays are difficult stuff to go back to.
carpe diem!

crumbs said...

@ medusa
:D