Saturday, December 16, 2006


What if one day you wake up, and realise that you are sick of the lie that you have been so carefully building up all your life? That you have been so busy in playing this person you thought you should be that you forgot what it was to be you? That perhaps, there is no such things as "you"...just a collation of reactions. Reactions to what others said. Others did. You just went through life, one reaction to another.

Your folks wanted to you to be like every other kid- smart, rich, happy. So you decided to be a rebel, but where is your cause? Your friends wanted you to be more understanding, so you pretended to understand. But what do you want to be? What are you? Is there even a real you? And if there is, then why doesn't this real you ever raise her voice in protest?

You never felt anything. You never hated anyone, never loved anyone. You so desperately wanted to, so you convince yourself it is because you are unique. You can't be what others are. You have different priorities. And no one understands that.

You pretend to be smart. You pretent to be strong. Arrogant. Ambitious, no-nonsense woman.
And in your heart you know you are that 12 year old who used to close the door, play the music loud, and then sit and cry. Just because you thought if someone saw your tears, they would know how stupid and weak you really are.

Some skeletons have this habbit of popping up in your mind when just when you had completely forgotten about them.

No people, I am not depressed. This is, afterall, just another cheap trick to grab attention.

May be I should take Lash's advice. And get me a coffin. Cheers!


pRicky said...

You are who you choose to be...
very enigmatic lines...
Skeltons pop out to remind us I guess the real us to atleast ourselves...
try gossamer's gown might make you cosier...

Tsu said...

its hard. i cant comment... but i know coffin is not the solution to anything... skeletons in the closet are there to remind us that we are human and only if ure happy with ureslf the world will be complete... i cant comment...

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

dont you think the question is stale?
the real you?
there is no real anyone. you evolve - as you're supposed to.
looking back, looking in, and looking out is a waste of time, if you're looking for absolutes - again, because there are none.

Anand Sarolkar said...

Yes, there is ALWAYS a "real you". All the interactions (with people and environment) just add layers to that "real you".

moontalk said...

@ prick
"you are who you choose to be..." as u say, enigmatic lines, and yeah i belived in it too...but then if the though suddenly strikes you that ur choices are reaally not urs, then wat?wat if u realise that all ur choices were made, perhaps, for the wrong reasons- reasons that even u didnt realise.
@ tsu
u commented :)
@ toothless
very stale, but it hits u hard everytime...time and again. not absolutes, i am not looking for enlightment.but everybody needs a rock beneath their feet to stand on...
@ anand
somewhere beneath those layers, u wonder if there is a real u...or its just like onion peels, u peel n peel the outer layers in the hope to find that real you...but its jus more layers, n more, n then nothing
thanks for droppin by...

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

what is real is the flesh and blood, the chemicals that spurt out of a thousand glands and mix to be a cocktail that makes you feel the way you do - in a hundred million ways.
fundamentally, we are all the same. what makes us different is the entropy of the system. and the patterns - call them uncertainities if you will. but they're just that.
because what you are - fundamentally- does not matter. like clay - what matters is what you have moulded to be this very minute. we're all from some dirty puddle anyway - but that doesnt define anything, does it?
looking in is futile - so is peeling onions. you'll only end up teary eyed - for no reason.

Anonymous said...

disclaimer : i wash my hands clean.

well good thoughts. but to call something real and the other unreal, we actually need to understand the meaning of the two. Toothless called flesh and blood as real. but are they? how do you know? and what we call as life is based on the notion that the 60 years that we are on this earth is life and something beyond that is not. At the end of the day we are all making comparisons to measure how "well" we have lived our lives. The assumption made here is that there is a certain level or standard that we all adhere to and anyone deviating from that is not happy. So if i spend my entire life on alms,eating and drinking, the world would call me unsuccessful and incompatible. You call this value choice.

moontalk said...

@ toothless
:) thanks...guess i needed someone to say that right now. how is that u get to kw the right thing to say at the right time?? n betweet the two of us, u re not even the one who did psychology!! i may jus adopt u as my full time counsellor if i go crazy :)

Id it is said...

Your post brought Don Maclean's 'Pride Parade' to mind. You might want to check out the lyrics for this song because because they voice similar ideas as yours, and to music which adds to the poignancy of those words!

Immigrant in Canada said...

I am always someone's daughter, someone's mother, someone's sister etc.
I as a person, do I exist? I don;t know.
The 'I' that I am, is actually the 'U' of the 'US'..
I am whatever 'U' want me to be..

moontalk said...

@ lash,
somethings cannot be washed away with soap u kw :P
n if you can spend ur entire lfe, jus eating b drinkin, n being happy with that, i'd rather call u successful
@ id
hmmm...i did check out the lyrics, kinda unnerving!
@ sarah,
that is jus wat scared me :(

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

merry christmas!!!
ho ho ho

Jay Menon said...

coffin is a pretty good idea...all the best...nother option is get up and try again...watever u wanted to be...try again and again...cheer up lady

moontalk said...

@ toothless,
ho ho ho to u too!

@ jay
i wasn't depressed, just a li'l lost.
n well, that's pretty much it.
thanks for dropping by

neelaakasham said...

first time here!!! life is a book and i relly fell one has to use his own pen to write it .... cheers ...have fun ... let new bring joy for all of us.... wish u a happy n healthy new year!!!!

Me Thinks.. said...

I guess I understand. real you is lost somewhere..

Its just 'I exist, therefore I am'... but at the end of the day, you choose what you wanna be...

so, to take the skeleton outta the closet was also your choice!

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