Wednesday, July 05, 2006

What am I turning into?

One of the hardest things you can do is to let a friend go. Harder than that perhaps is walking away from someone who once had been your friend.

I did both today. Or perhaps, it happened long ago. I just realised it today. N I don't feel a thing.

I'm going that weird sort of numbness that I had worked so hard to get out of.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things refuse to be worked out. Sometimes, you have to let go. So I did. Not because I didnt care. But because I wanted to be able to look back without having a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't want it to end with a fight. I didnt want it to end in way that I will never be able to think of him as a friend again. So I ended my own terms.

I'm being selfish. But then, I always have been. I had to preserve my sanity. For what I don't know. But isn't it better to end it, rather than let it rot and die?

You stay friends with some people. No matter what they make you go through. No matter what you make them go through. N then, there are those, with whom you just cannot stay friends. No matter how much you try. No matter how much they try. Is there any point in pretending you can still be friends when you are sure you can't? It's one of those things....

When do you decide it's time to end a friendship? When you have a sneaking feeling that it never really began...or so I read somewhere, sometime back. Think it was in Reader's Digest. Really?

Woke up with an empty feeling. Should have known.

Don't bother bout this post. It's just ramblings of a schizophrenic mind


Me Thinks.. said...

hmmm..i can relate with it..dont delete..let it be..sometimesin life u just ve to say bye hurts real bad..i know the will last forever..

moi said...

hey, you just read my mind. even i m going through the same phase of discovery where friends turn strangers and vice versa and i m sooooo confused not to mention tired of trying to cover the hurt that comes along with it, my post will be inspired from yours. read off.

Arun Pillai said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Arun Pillai said...

well to be brutally honest,am unable to relate your writting to your life,may b coz i don't you well enough like your friends.Anyways even i don't think this has to be delated.It's your page and u remains its sole owner,unless someone like me hacks it (:o)...

neil said...

everyone who has commented, have been thru similar situation...
well.. i am no different either...
but life goes on buddy...
keep smiling!!

moontalk said...

@me thinks
still am not sure if this was reight.i mean it was the right thing to do for me, but can u break a decision for the other person too?
no one still believes me when i say i am psychic
@comment deleted
hey i still read it neil
i kw this is my space.n my says so in my frist post.but thats not y i wanted to deleat it...this is a li'l too personal.never ve put something this personal for strangers to read
life goes on...i hate it sometimes.
shouldn't it stop once a while when someone close is not so anymore?
if life moves on beyond anything, then why make friends at all...

pRicky said...

it hurts and it aches.
you'll hate me for this but
once a friend remains a friend.
so walking out on each other is just a way of conveying we shall be back together before we know it.
all things get sorted. this too shall.
@me thinks: no the numbness won't last forever.

actions n words said...

:) Hope this makes you feel better!

moontalk said...

@ pricky
wen the whole walking out deal has happened way too many times, somewere it has to be final...sometimes, it jus is better that way.
@gaana a weird way, yeah :)

you know who said...

for all those who commented..let me tell you that I am the character referred to in this post.
Did anyone think of me?

And if you people think I too accepted it,think twice..if yes,why should i read this post and comment upon it..
everyone goes through a bad phase..I too went through it..didnt get out of it when I should have..and more than that,I tried to take moontalk through it too..
buddy moontalk,i accept my faults.( u must be wondering how many times i did it)..
and this time i accept the punishment too..
was thinking should never be back..but when am the character of this post,thought i should reply

moontalk said...

@ you kw who
the reason y i walked out was coz i didnt wanna fight anymore.that reason still stands.i'm not gonna fight with u here

you know who said...

fight with me here?
as if u will fight with me somewhere else..
maybe u require a reminder..u wanted to be accepted the way you are..but why is that privilege denied for me?
i am what i am..and maybe that includes me hanging on to my past..
and more thing..its a piece of advice.u wanna walk out on someone,do so by anymeans.but be there for him when he wants u and then walk out later..
remember our last conversation..needed ur support.but u didnt give it..Trust me,never wanted to call you,cos i know what ur reaction would be.But when all others were busy,u were the last one i turned for help in that matter..
and why am i saying all this here..cos you said u wont read my mails or take my call..
Bye moontalk