Monday, February 12, 2007

I'm Done With the Sidewalk

"Hi there. Are you fully awake yet? I'm just opening my eyes, and my head is still slightly hazy. Ah well. Utterly confused would be more correct I suppose. I'm surprised that I'm not too sure where I am, or who this girl sleeping next to me is. And now, why am I completely at ease to pull her close to me and scribble on her body "I love you"...

I'm not sure I am fully awake as I write this. Or completely sane. I saw this in my dream. Words. These words. No people. Just a voice. A guy's voice. A voice that is vaguely familiar, but irritatingly not placeable- a voice that you'd expect from some movie's invisible narrator.
No visuals in this...only a pen writing this, and a voice.

Who was that voice? And why did it (he?) want to tell me all these? Dreams. They have always disturbed me more than they really should. Not nightmares, just dreams, weird ones. It's almost like someone is trying to tell me something, that I only half want to hear. Most of the time, I still remember them...all everything as I wake up, and then as the day moves on, finer details slipping away like sand through your fingers.

I'm no story writer, but there are certain things that make me wonder if I really am living in a movie. And if that is what these dreams are trying to tell me.
Usually I move on...but this one somehow compelled me to put it down in black and white. To actually jump off the bed, even after just 3 and a half hours of broken sleep, pull out my laptop and write it all down. Even now, I feel as though, someone else, and not me is really writing. I mean, I'm...but someone else is telling me to. Some voice. Vaguely familiar, irritatingly not placeable. The kind of voice that you'd expect to hear from a movie's invisible narrator.

Maybe its lack of sleep. Or maybe its the lack of sanity. It's happening. And surprisingly, I'm not freaking out. I'm surprised, amused. Not scared. Ah well.

After 21 (nearly 22? 21 years and 6 months anyway) of lazy existence, I'm learning a few things about myself. There are times, when I see with amazing clarity. Then it goes away to be replaced by the dirty fog again. But those few moments, those few glorious moments, when I see me, like I should be, like I want to be, are exhilarating. Maybe I'll get there...yet.


Me Thinks.. said...

Dreams have given me answers, more often than not. remember I told you once, ad hoardings seem like they are talking to me...all these bill boards that carry punchlines..

The way we want to look and the way it actually is...clash of the titans, clash of two worlds within...

Tsu said...

i was expecting sachin pilot or rajiv gandhi there.. this dream is unnerving but calming in a weird sense where there is so much more that is brewing inside u that u dunno off!!! :-)

moontalk said...

@ MT
"The way we want to look and the way it actually is..."
is there ever a real way it actually is?
don't we always ALWAYS see it the way we want to see it?nothing comes to us in its pure form, perhaps there is no pure form.
sound's like Pinto's class on post modernism, but still.

sachin pilot and rajiv gandhi...hmmm may be next post.
if i have to talk about all the weird dreams i ever had, i'd ve to write a book. so you'll see the complete and unabridged versions of my encounters with rajiv gandhis of this work in my be published as soon as someone will pay me for it!
yeah the reason, i felt that i had to put it is just somehow didnt scare me, or screw up my head with the possible meanings. it was fascinating,- the voice, very. did seem like i was in some b-grade supernatural science flick!

Anand Sarolkar said...

"Dream is a Place where WISH and FEAR meet and when WISH and FEAR are the same we call it a nightmare"--Gregory David Roberts in his book SHANTARAM.

I completely agree with this. What abt u?

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

but what do you think of the friend of mine, the king who decided to send me an umbrella in a coffin?
stupid dreams!

moontalk said...

@ anand,
to a great extend yeah. but do we really wish for nightmares?that would be a rather masochistic way to look at it dont u think?;)

@ toothless,
hey perhaps the kind didnt find a smaller box dude.(he'd afterall believe in living life king size right?;))
never judge a gift by the box my friend :D

pRicky said...

so it is happening huh???
and tell me then what about my dream where in all my tapes in the camera jam and i am not left with any html codes which i recognise???
with me hating food and basketball???
word verification::

Anonymous said...

you gotto look for meanings here..
maybe it meant you could be a tattoo artist or something.. you never know...

dreams can be disturbing at times. mostly when you have a presentation the following day and in your dream you are caught in a traffic jam in calcutta...

well my word for verification - idiuts - almost there..suits you :)

moontalk said...

@ prick
yeah yeah i get the idea. spoiler of dreams :P

@ lash
u and prick i guess can be best friends :P
wats with word verification developing AI all of sudden???